The release and freedom that expressing one's thoughts can have, I find, is extremely beneficial. Don't worry if some of the recipients think your a bit "off the wall". At the end of the day, it is better to do so, rather than bottling up the thoughts / emotions/ confusion, as this can quickly lead only to frustration and resentment. This applies to both non dementees, as well as members of the dementia club. No doubt the non dementiates will find a more diplomatic manner in which to do this, than I do. However, the end result will I am sure be just as beneficial. I find it interesting that, nowadays, if someone is equally obnoxious to me as, apparently, I may have been to them, it does not create a major issue as far as I am concerned. I appreciate and value, what I view, as their honesty. Tact and diplomacy are further down my pecking order of importance, these days, than openness and honesty of thought and view.
I suppose this notable change in approach, may once again, be a tactic to minimise the risk of confusion. While previously, the complexity and diversity of others psychological influences on their approach to verbal communication, I always found stimulating and interesting. However, this is no longer the case. I now have a tendency to insist that people say what they mean and therefore mean what they say. The literal meaning of what is said is of far more significance and importance to me in verbal communication, than previously. The mental stimulation formally gained from unravelling the "music behind the words", no longer stimulates, it now only tends to frustrate.
I became acutely aware of the above, once again, in a social setting, while having dinner with friends in their home yesterday evening. I found that on a number of occasions, a throw away remark by one of the other guests would prompt my request for clarification of exactly what it was they meant. After a number of such instances, the fellow guest started to indicate their frustration at my requesting that they clarify what it was precisely they were saying and the point they were making. The person concerned is someone who knows me quite well and of the issues I have in relation to verbal communication and understanding. However, in this setting, they obviously found it more difficult to cope with these requests for clarification. On the one hand, I understand their frustration, on the other, unless clarification is sort when required, the misunderstandings that arise may have far worse consequences.
It is occasions like that mentioned above, that can tend lead one to seek further isolation in one's own company, as a more satisfactory option, rather than maintaining the already reducing social circle. However, the risks and consequences of cutting oneself off further, socially, not only for the dementee but, as importantly, for my my wife and carer, are equally unsatisfactory.
It may be that this is a phenomena is shared by other fellow dimentees? If so, then to any carers, be they health professionals, or relatives, I suggest that, if you find the dementee you are looking after, has, or starts with the above tendencies, then it may be for the same reasons that I have identified in my own case.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve and my wife and I are going to see in the New Year with four other trusted and understanding friends, who are happy with "straight talking", so it should be a trouble free start to 2012!
A happy and healthy 2012 is wished for any readers of this blog - thank you for sharing in my "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
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