EMOTIONAL DIMENSIONS

Today, I am minded that our friend dementia, is the bearer of the gift of exaggerated emotion.

As we are now well and truly in the run up to Christmas and more than halfway through Advent, the season of emotional highs and lows advances at a rapid rate. The coming together of family and friends at different stages of the Christmas season, is one to be viewed with a mixture of emotional value including Bon Ami and greetings of exagerated depth. Of course this is balanced by genuine expressions of love, warmth and hospitality between givers and receivers. So, I ask myself what is my problem with it all? I say my problem, as I acknowledge that like so many issues that annoy or result in an adverse reaction from me these days, my reaction to others, cannot in general be blamed on them, but rather, how I now respond to them.

In a similar manner to the exaggerated emotional festive responses referred to above, I find the ability to assimilate and accept the in genuine aspects, far more difficult to tolerate, than previously. I succumb more readily now to taking the less understanding and benevolent approach to such individuals and situations.
Why is this, one may reasonably ask? I think it is associated with my now perceived necessity and therefore efforts, to minimise confusion, by increasingly needing to focus on what I consider to be reality. A more black and white approach to relationships, I now find more easy to deal with. This of course conflicts with the complexity of normal human personality and relationships. These of course require great flexibility and understanding of persons and situations, in order to maintain stability and the avoidance of misunderstandings.
However, this of itself is conflictual from my perspective, if confusion is to be reduced.

I am, today, further minded that dementia appears to lead to exaggeration of certain pre-existing psychological /emotional facets. Just as Christmas often leads to heightened emotional states, I am conscious that a number of my own personality traits are also being increased with intensity as time progresses. It is possible therefore, that dementia has a particular facet that not only diminishes things like memory, but also extends /exaggerates some pre-existing traits. For example, a person like myself with a generally outgoing personalty, on occasions, finds that, in certain situations, the gregarious nature pervades even more than it did of old. The extension of these boundaries, beyond their previous limits, can be problematical not only for myself, but more importantly for others in whose company I am present. So far, no lasting damage has been done, as far as I am aware! However, this is obviously an extra burden for my wife, my carer, to have to cope with, less about the recipient.

Another example of the above, where the exaggerated personality trait being increasingly heightened, in a similar manner, is that of straight talking, "calling a spade a spade and not a dustpan"! This increase has led to a diminuation of my diplomacy and tact. Now, what needs to be understood by the reader, is that this is not an intentional act and it is often only when someone expresses their concern or hurt, that one sometimes accepts or understands that one has overstepped an acceptable boundary line. Even though at the time it did not seem to be the case.

NB. In view of the above, is it any wonder that we are eventually admitted to specialised residential care?!! It takes an enormous amount of love, care, persistence, determination and understanding, on the part of our carer, to cope with the increasing complexity of the challenges we present.

My final thought for this blog is that, as Christmas approaches, we dementiates should look forward to enjoying as many aspects of the season as possible, firmly in the knowledge, that in spite of our varying degrees of eccentricity, there is an enormous amount of Love, Good Will and Understanding around us.

JSAFGA