The release and freedom that expressing one's thoughts can have, I find, is extremely beneficial. Don't worry if some of the recipients think your a bit "off the wall". At the end of the day, it is better to do so, rather than bottling up the thoughts / emotions/ confusion, as this can quickly lead only to frustration and resentment. This applies to both non dementees, as well as members of the dementia club. No doubt the non dementiates will find a more diplomatic manner in which to do this, than I do. However, the end result will I am sure be just as beneficial. I find it interesting that, nowadays, if someone is equally obnoxious to me as, apparently, I may have been to them, it does not create a major issue as far as I am concerned. I appreciate and value, what I view, as their honesty. Tact and diplomacy are further down my pecking order of importance, these days, than openness and honesty of thought and view.
I suppose this notable change in approach, may once again, be a tactic to minimise the risk of confusion. While previously, the complexity and diversity of others psychological influences on their approach to verbal communication, I always found stimulating and interesting. However, this is no longer the case. I now have a tendency to insist that people say what they mean and therefore mean what they say. The literal meaning of what is said is of far more significance and importance to me in verbal communication, than previously. The mental stimulation formally gained from unravelling the "music behind the words", no longer stimulates, it now only tends to frustrate.
I became acutely aware of the above, once again, in a social setting, while having dinner with friends in their home yesterday evening. I found that on a number of occasions, a throw away remark by one of the other guests would prompt my request for clarification of exactly what it was they meant. After a number of such instances, the fellow guest started to indicate their frustration at my requesting that they clarify what it was precisely they were saying and the point they were making. The person concerned is someone who knows me quite well and of the issues I have in relation to verbal communication and understanding. However, in this setting, they obviously found it more difficult to cope with these requests for clarification. On the one hand, I understand their frustration, on the other, unless clarification is sort when required, the misunderstandings that arise may have far worse consequences.
It is occasions like that mentioned above, that can tend lead one to seek further isolation in one's own company, as a more satisfactory option, rather than maintaining the already reducing social circle. However, the risks and consequences of cutting oneself off further, socially, not only for the dementee but, as importantly, for my my wife and carer, are equally unsatisfactory.
It may be that this is a phenomena is shared by other fellow dimentees? If so, then to any carers, be they health professionals, or relatives, I suggest that, if you find the dementee you are looking after, has, or starts with the above tendencies, then it may be for the same reasons that I have identified in my own case.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve and my wife and I are going to see in the New Year with four other trusted and understanding friends, who are happy with "straight talking", so it should be a trouble free start to 2012!
A happy and healthy 2012 is wished for any readers of this blog - thank you for sharing in my "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
Friday, 30 December 2011
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
THOUGHTS AS THE NEW YEAR APPROACHES
Another New Year approaches this coming weekend. What does it have in store for all of us. Personally, I do not look forward to it in trepidation or with a sense of either elation or expectation. I find, even more so these days, to be able, in my head, to be prepared to experience the unexpected. I have no use for planning too far ahead or creating unnecessary expectations of oneself or of others. A life of unrealistic expectations will only disappoint and frustrate. One must not have unrealistic expectations of oneself, nor for that matter, of others understanding of you. One cannot have a full understanding of how, when or where the dementing journey will lead, or the pace at which significent milestones will be reached. This need not be disconcerting, if one is able and prepared to "go with the flow". To follow this approach may help avoid or at least reduce the personal impact on reaching different stages of the condition's progress.
Having said the above, while at one level I believe the above laid back approach applies to myself, there are in fact major contradictions in reality. If I am so philosphical and calm about future events etc, then why does the slightest alteration to arrangements on a day to day basis seem to agitate me so. Interestingly, I find these relatively minor adaptations difficult to handle. I find, increasingly, I rely on the certainty, reliability and concreteness of arrangements and what people say. A black and white, certain, approach to matters, I find far more reassuring and easier to cope with, than more flexible arrangements. I have an increasing need and expectancy of individuals to say what they mean and therefore to mean what they say. Elements of social niceties, I find, increasingly, difficult to maintain. These relate mainly to responding to what other individuals may have said. For example, if I suspect someone has said something for effect, rather than what they truly mean / believe, then I find it difficult not to say so.
My immediate family, including my young adult grandchildren, have adapted magnificenly to the slight and in some cases the apparently discernable personality changes that have taken place in the past few years. This a source of great comfort, knowing that I can continue to be totally relaxed and be myself in their company. This has been particularly important during the recent festive period.
HAPPY 2012
JSAFGA
Having said the above, while at one level I believe the above laid back approach applies to myself, there are in fact major contradictions in reality. If I am so philosphical and calm about future events etc, then why does the slightest alteration to arrangements on a day to day basis seem to agitate me so. Interestingly, I find these relatively minor adaptations difficult to handle. I find, increasingly, I rely on the certainty, reliability and concreteness of arrangements and what people say. A black and white, certain, approach to matters, I find far more reassuring and easier to cope with, than more flexible arrangements. I have an increasing need and expectancy of individuals to say what they mean and therefore to mean what they say. Elements of social niceties, I find, increasingly, difficult to maintain. These relate mainly to responding to what other individuals may have said. For example, if I suspect someone has said something for effect, rather than what they truly mean / believe, then I find it difficult not to say so.
My immediate family, including my young adult grandchildren, have adapted magnificenly to the slight and in some cases the apparently discernable personality changes that have taken place in the past few years. This a source of great comfort, knowing that I can continue to be totally relaxed and be myself in their company. This has been particularly important during the recent festive period.
HAPPY 2012
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
MEMORIES
Christmastide, invariably has the effect of summoning up memories, both good and not so good, for most people. It affords a time, amidst the hustle and bustle, if only briefly, to remember times and people from both our present and past life. For some, this can be as traumatic as it can be enjoyable for others, dependent on their individual life's journey so far.
I am increasingly finding that, even though my short-term memory retention is gradually diminishing, the long-term memory of events, places and people from times long past, is increasingly active. Now the other interesting and beneficial aspect is that the clarity of things pleasant from the past is the main focus and the few unpleasant experiences have gradually dissipated, to the same degree that ability to recall the positive and enjoyable times and relationships has increased. Whether this is purely as a result of my particular positive psychological make up and attitude to life, I do not know. Maybe it is something that the majority of Dementees experience - interesting research project for some clinician maybe?!!
The above, is a positive aspect of the disease as far as I am concerned. If clarity of memory thought is, generally, only available to the positive aspects of one's past life, then this will help one, as far as possible, to maintain "A Good Life With Dementia".
In case I am not moved to write another blog before Christmas, I would like to wish any readers, wherever you live, a Happy Christmas and New Year. To the followers in Russia, a Happy New Year and celebration of Christmas in January.
To all Carers and fellow Dementors, Peace and Love.
JSAFGA
I am increasingly finding that, even though my short-term memory retention is gradually diminishing, the long-term memory of events, places and people from times long past, is increasingly active. Now the other interesting and beneficial aspect is that the clarity of things pleasant from the past is the main focus and the few unpleasant experiences have gradually dissipated, to the same degree that ability to recall the positive and enjoyable times and relationships has increased. Whether this is purely as a result of my particular positive psychological make up and attitude to life, I do not know. Maybe it is something that the majority of Dementees experience - interesting research project for some clinician maybe?!!
The above, is a positive aspect of the disease as far as I am concerned. If clarity of memory thought is, generally, only available to the positive aspects of one's past life, then this will help one, as far as possible, to maintain "A Good Life With Dementia".
In case I am not moved to write another blog before Christmas, I would like to wish any readers, wherever you live, a Happy Christmas and New Year. To the followers in Russia, a Happy New Year and celebration of Christmas in January.
To all Carers and fellow Dementors, Peace and Love.
JSAFGA
Friday, 16 December 2011
REPORT ON DEMENTIA CARE IN ACUTE HOSPITAL WARDS
Today, a report from the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK, expressed concern regarding the provision of care Dementia patients receive, in acute medical and surgical wards, when admitted for treatment of other clinical conditions. It states that, staff in these clinical areas do not currently provide an acceptable level of appropriate care for Dementia patients. A number of stated reasons for this include the lack of appropriate training.
To improve the above apparently deteriorating situation, I would suggest that all staff involved in clinical care, as part of their formal clinical training, should be required to demonstrate their personal ability in the following areas, before being granted their formal post-graduate clinical / medical professional qualification:-
a. A CARING NATURE
b. EMPATHETIC ABILITY
c. UNDERSTANDING OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RESPECT AND PERSONAL DIGNITY
c. HIGH LEVELS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
d. A SENSE OF HUMOUR
The above list is not comprehensive. However, I believe that anyone who is going to be considered fit to provide clinical care for any person, whether being treated in the community or in hospital, should, as a minimum requirement, be required to demonstrate a high degree of personal skills and ability in the above areas, in addition to their clinical /medical knowledge. If adopted, this requirement, would not require any significant increase in financial cost to the education of potential health practitioners. However, the potential outcome in respect of improvement in the quality of patient care could be significant.
JSAFGA
To improve the above apparently deteriorating situation, I would suggest that all staff involved in clinical care, as part of their formal clinical training, should be required to demonstrate their personal ability in the following areas, before being granted their formal post-graduate clinical / medical professional qualification:-
a. A CARING NATURE
b. EMPATHETIC ABILITY
c. UNDERSTANDING OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RESPECT AND PERSONAL DIGNITY
c. HIGH LEVELS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
d. A SENSE OF HUMOUR
The above list is not comprehensive. However, I believe that anyone who is going to be considered fit to provide clinical care for any person, whether being treated in the community or in hospital, should, as a minimum requirement, be required to demonstrate a high degree of personal skills and ability in the above areas, in addition to their clinical /medical knowledge. If adopted, this requirement, would not require any significant increase in financial cost to the education of potential health practitioners. However, the potential outcome in respect of improvement in the quality of patient care could be significant.
JSAFGA
Sunday, 11 December 2011
KEEP IT SIMPLE
With Christmas fast approaching and the complexity of emotional strains, the happiness and sadness that we allow it to bring, my increasing view is Keep it Simple. In these times of financial austerity, this may be a blessing for many that they have no option but to keep it simple in respect of being able / unable to purchase gifts. There may, ultimately, be a long term advantageous spin off to this enforced necessity for many, to rein in the personal expenditure this year. Often the most simple gifts are the most cherished. The small uncomplicated gift from a child, often has the greater impact and meaning than some luxurious gift from a wealthy friend or family member.
Now, you may ask where is this blog going. Is it his personal soap box version of a church sermon? Well no, it is not meant to be that, even though it is being written on a Sunday evening! I am minded of the simplicity angle as I am, increasingly, finding that as the months pass I the complexity of issues and situations best avoided, in order to maintain clarity of thought and understanding. The adoption of a simple approach and the association with simplicity is not born from any high moralistic ideal, akin to a monastic existence. Rather it is driven by the wish to be able to function normally as possible, to try to avoid detection, by the newly met or the stranger, of being a card carrying member of the dementia club! Not that I am ashamed of membership, but rather, that I wish to keep as many aspects of life, relationships and thought processes, as simple as possible.
JSAFGA
Now, you may ask where is this blog going. Is it his personal soap box version of a church sermon? Well no, it is not meant to be that, even though it is being written on a Sunday evening! I am minded of the simplicity angle as I am, increasingly, finding that as the months pass I the complexity of issues and situations best avoided, in order to maintain clarity of thought and understanding. The adoption of a simple approach and the association with simplicity is not born from any high moralistic ideal, akin to a monastic existence. Rather it is driven by the wish to be able to function normally as possible, to try to avoid detection, by the newly met or the stranger, of being a card carrying member of the dementia club! Not that I am ashamed of membership, but rather, that I wish to keep as many aspects of life, relationships and thought processes, as simple as possible.
JSAFGA
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
EMOTIONAL DIMENSIONS
Today, I am minded that our friend dementia, is the bearer of the gift of exaggerated emotion.
As we are now well and truly in the run up to Christmas and more than halfway through Advent, the season of emotional highs and lows advances at a rapid rate. The coming together of family and friends at different stages of the Christmas season, is one to be viewed with a mixture of emotional value including Bon Ami and greetings of exagerated depth. Of course this is balanced by genuine expressions of love, warmth and hospitality between givers and receivers. So, I ask myself what is my problem with it all? I say my problem, as I acknowledge that like so many issues that annoy or result in an adverse reaction from me these days, my reaction to others, cannot in general be blamed on them, but rather, how I now respond to them.
In a similar manner to the exaggerated emotional festive responses referred to above, I find the ability to assimilate and accept the in genuine aspects, far more difficult to tolerate, than previously. I succumb more readily now to taking the less understanding and benevolent approach to such individuals and situations.
Why is this, one may reasonably ask? I think it is associated with my now perceived necessity and therefore efforts, to minimise confusion, by increasingly needing to focus on what I consider to be reality. A more black and white approach to relationships, I now find more easy to deal with. This of course conflicts with the complexity of normal human personality and relationships. These of course require great flexibility and understanding of persons and situations, in order to maintain stability and the avoidance of misunderstandings.
However, this of itself is conflictual from my perspective, if confusion is to be reduced.
I am, today, further minded that dementia appears to lead to exaggeration of certain pre-existing psychological /emotional facets. Just as Christmas often leads to heightened emotional states, I am conscious that a number of my own personality traits are also being increased with intensity as time progresses. It is possible therefore, that dementia has a particular facet that not only diminishes things like memory, but also extends /exaggerates some pre-existing traits. For example, a person like myself with a generally outgoing personalty, on occasions, finds that, in certain situations, the gregarious nature pervades even more than it did of old. The extension of these boundaries, beyond their previous limits, can be problematical not only for myself, but more importantly for others in whose company I am present. So far, no lasting damage has been done, as far as I am aware! However, this is obviously an extra burden for my wife, my carer, to have to cope with, less about the recipient.
Another example of the above, where the exaggerated personality trait being increasingly heightened, in a similar manner, is that of straight talking, "calling a spade a spade and not a dustpan"! This increase has led to a diminuation of my diplomacy and tact. Now, what needs to be understood by the reader, is that this is not an intentional act and it is often only when someone expresses their concern or hurt, that one sometimes accepts or understands that one has overstepped an acceptable boundary line. Even though at the time it did not seem to be the case.
NB. In view of the above, is it any wonder that we are eventually admitted to specialised residential care?!! It takes an enormous amount of love, care, persistence, determination and understanding, on the part of our carer, to cope with the increasing complexity of the challenges we present.
My final thought for this blog is that, as Christmas approaches, we dementiates should look forward to enjoying as many aspects of the season as possible, firmly in the knowledge, that in spite of our varying degrees of eccentricity, there is an enormous amount of Love, Good Will and Understanding around us.
JSAFGA
As we are now well and truly in the run up to Christmas and more than halfway through Advent, the season of emotional highs and lows advances at a rapid rate. The coming together of family and friends at different stages of the Christmas season, is one to be viewed with a mixture of emotional value including Bon Ami and greetings of exagerated depth. Of course this is balanced by genuine expressions of love, warmth and hospitality between givers and receivers. So, I ask myself what is my problem with it all? I say my problem, as I acknowledge that like so many issues that annoy or result in an adverse reaction from me these days, my reaction to others, cannot in general be blamed on them, but rather, how I now respond to them.
In a similar manner to the exaggerated emotional festive responses referred to above, I find the ability to assimilate and accept the in genuine aspects, far more difficult to tolerate, than previously. I succumb more readily now to taking the less understanding and benevolent approach to such individuals and situations.
Why is this, one may reasonably ask? I think it is associated with my now perceived necessity and therefore efforts, to minimise confusion, by increasingly needing to focus on what I consider to be reality. A more black and white approach to relationships, I now find more easy to deal with. This of course conflicts with the complexity of normal human personality and relationships. These of course require great flexibility and understanding of persons and situations, in order to maintain stability and the avoidance of misunderstandings.
However, this of itself is conflictual from my perspective, if confusion is to be reduced.
I am, today, further minded that dementia appears to lead to exaggeration of certain pre-existing psychological /emotional facets. Just as Christmas often leads to heightened emotional states, I am conscious that a number of my own personality traits are also being increased with intensity as time progresses. It is possible therefore, that dementia has a particular facet that not only diminishes things like memory, but also extends /exaggerates some pre-existing traits. For example, a person like myself with a generally outgoing personalty, on occasions, finds that, in certain situations, the gregarious nature pervades even more than it did of old. The extension of these boundaries, beyond their previous limits, can be problematical not only for myself, but more importantly for others in whose company I am present. So far, no lasting damage has been done, as far as I am aware! However, this is obviously an extra burden for my wife, my carer, to have to cope with, less about the recipient.
Another example of the above, where the exaggerated personality trait being increasingly heightened, in a similar manner, is that of straight talking, "calling a spade a spade and not a dustpan"! This increase has led to a diminuation of my diplomacy and tact. Now, what needs to be understood by the reader, is that this is not an intentional act and it is often only when someone expresses their concern or hurt, that one sometimes accepts or understands that one has overstepped an acceptable boundary line. Even though at the time it did not seem to be the case.
NB. In view of the above, is it any wonder that we are eventually admitted to specialised residential care?!! It takes an enormous amount of love, care, persistence, determination and understanding, on the part of our carer, to cope with the increasing complexity of the challenges we present.
My final thought for this blog is that, as Christmas approaches, we dementiates should look forward to enjoying as many aspects of the season as possible, firmly in the knowledge, that in spite of our varying degrees of eccentricity, there is an enormous amount of Love, Good Will and Understanding around us.
JSAFGA
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