CARING FOR YOUR CARER

While having my evening meal, I was mind full of the opportunities that are presented daily to provide my carer, in my case, my wife, reciprocol elements of care for her. Maybe it is the fact that I have always been less than useful in the cooking department that inspired such thoughts. This issue, (not the inability to cook) may also resonate with some fellow members of the "dementia club" and their carers.

No doubt, the majority of us greatly appreciate how our carer and others, support us on this weird and sometimes, wonderful or less wonderful journey. Even those in a more advanced stage of the illness, who unfortunately are no longer able to communicate with their carer, may well still be aware that they are being cared for, even though they may not necessarily always be able to indicate that they know who it is that is looking after them.  

I do not know, but maybe in cases where one's carer is a loved one, possibly it is more likely that one will be more inclined to seek opportunities to lighten their burden, than would otherwise be the case with a professional carer, be it at home or in a residential setting. Sometimes, I will do so without thinking. For example, undertaking simple tasks that my wife would otherwise have to undertake. This is of course easier to do some days than others, dependent on my state of mind and confidence to feel able to carry out the task successfully. In my case failure to deliver the goods, results in a considerable disappointment and resulting loss of confidence. Unfortunately, this impacts on the willingness to attempt the same task again, at a future date. There will sometimes be a willingness to try again, but then, when venturing further to carry it out, a sense of anxiety can pervade, resulting in an inability to undertake the task concerned.

An instance of the above that I experience, is the use of the telephone. For example to ring up to make an appointment, is an area where I now rarely get involved. The reason being, if the person concerned on the other end of the line needs more than a couple of items of information from me, then unfortunately, this, increasingly, has me floundering and I will have to call my wife to bail  me out. Therefore all the well intentioned thoughts of assisting her, by making the call in the first place, have not produced the desired result and have in fact only added to her burden.  So now, unless I am feeling supremely confident on the day concerned, I avoid making telephone calls. Having reached this point, I think it more productive for both myself and my wife, that I don't beat myself up about the issue, but move on to find other areas where I can be of real assistance. Fortunately, I am relatively well, physically, thanks to the aid of medication. I therefore seek out physical jobs to undertake that need doing and that will be of help. Some of these are simple daily routine items and others are less frequent, yet equally important.

In trying to achieve a good life with dementia, those of us who are able, can continually search for ways of assisting this process for both ourselves and our carers. However, should we attempt new ways, or re-try old ones and fail, try not to become too despondent, find something new to ACHIEVE.

JSAFGA