APOLOGISING FOR PAIN CAUSED

Recent experienced the pain of the realisation of the depth of pain and insult that one has, potentially, caused when unreasonably giving a short, yet unnecessaryy verbally abusive outburst. I delivered an unsolicited,humble, apology at the first opportunity the following day. It was only then on reflection that it dawned on me that what I had said was totally unreasonable. The problem is that at the time of these occurrences, one reacts instantaneously and without considered thought. This unfortunately is an increasing happening and at the time seems a reasonable knee jerk reaction. It is only on reflection that one is mortified by what one has said. Fortunately, the victim of the unreasonable tirade accepted the apology instantaneously and gave the gracious /  consoling response of "that's fine, forget about it". Of course one knows, on reflection, that what one had said was most unreasonable.

The above has been an increasing phenomenon, particularly with my ever loving carer, my wife. Fortunately we are so close and she is so understanding, that I am almost instantly aware of  the inappropriateness of what I have said and readily apologise very quickly.

Apologies, although releasing, also have a pain full aspect, namely the realisation of the inappropriateness, unreasonableness and hurt caused by what has been said. The reflection on the situation is a constant reminder of the creeping and ever developing affects that Dementia brings.

The result of the above incidents is to make one less inclined to wish to socialise and become more isolationist, for fear of the hurt and chaos that inappropriate responses / outbursts cause. This is a tricky phase of this disorder. I say disorder rather than disease, as the state that it brings is one of increasing disorder for the owner of the condition and possibly even more so for the carer and friends.

This blog is entitled "A Good Life with Dementia" and yes in spite of the condition / disorder, life in general is Good. However, I cannot forget that while 90% of the time this is the case, the occasions of unreasonableness do not provide a good life for my wife, family, friends and even casual acquaintances. Those who are aware of the proximity of the condition are on their guard and to them certain behaviour / verbals do not come as a surprise and they appear to cope with them.

People are very kind and understanding. My wife and carer is an Angel.

JSAFGA