One way to deal with reduced abilities is, rather than focusing on their loss, to find ways of creating new skills. This may or may not require new physical or mental agility or both. Where possible, try and counteract each loss, by creating a gain.
One aspect of the slowly increasing dementing state, of which I am conscious and have also been made aware by others, is that of increased insensitivity in relation to others, which on occasions, understandably causes offence / upset. At the time of the incidents, the issue of others sensitivities is not considered a priority. A point has to be made or matter clarified, at that time. Sometimes, it is only on reflection and /or it being discussed calmly, at a later time, that recognition / acceptance of the inappropriateness of one's behaviour, occurs. What is the relevance of this in relation to the observation in the above paragraph? This is given below:-
The loosening up of one's sensitivity / verbal inhibitions, while disturbing to others, can sometimes be channeled positively. I have tried to do so recently through writing a couple of short children's stories. Though not great literary pieces, they have proved to be a method of using the simplest of subjects, i.e.wildlife, to develop / maintain the creative side of my personality, that in the past was channelled into my professional working life. These stories have facilitated the ideal combination of the factual and the fanciful. This combination of aspects currently dominates my thought processes and to a greater or lesser degree must be influencing my behaviour towards and response to others. I lay great emphasis on individuals "keeping it real" talking straight and not wrapping things up in fanciful unreal language. The reason I require this to be so, is to enable me to, readily understand what is being said, as I now find it increasingly difficult to concentrate on trying to establish and listen to the "music behind the words".
The loss of the ability to focus and fully absorb what is being said, is now being superseded by the attempt to counteract it through the development, however feebly, by this occasional writing of short stories for young children.
JSAFGA
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Monday, 29 August 2011
VALUABLE v VIABLE
Comments increasingly heard, among non medical, as well as medical persons, in relation to other human beings, both born and unborn, is whether or not these individuals are considered viable.
What one considers viable may depend on the value one attaches to the person concerned. Viability and value may be very closely linked, dependent upon the circumstances that necessitate or lead to the viewpoint being expressed, or the subject being considered. These considerations are undoubtedly going to tax the minds of our politicians and other decision makers in decades to come, particularly, as a result of the projected ageing population in the UK. We will all have to fight our own corner, as long as we are capable of doing so, either individually, or collectively, or probably a combination of both.
Will we be considered a drain on the community's resources, when we can no longer provide what is considered a valuable input into society? Will our viability be questioned by the decision makers of the day? Will the value of the input we made into society during our lives, when we were considered to be vital and valuable, as well as viable, be considered when our future is questioned / considered?
As we lie in the nursing home or hospital bed, hopefully, there will be someone around who will be in a position to point out to the young fit decision makers, that the person they see lying, silently, there is the same person others remember for his/her contribution to society, no matter how great or small it was. He /she is still a member of the human race. God considered him/her a valuable creation, whether born or unborn.
The above is possibly for the future. What about today? The object will be to ensure that, while one can, one maximises one's ability to provide a valuable role for one's family and leave concerns regarding the judgement of one's value, to God, who I believe is not interested in one's potential viability!
JSAFGA
What one considers viable may depend on the value one attaches to the person concerned. Viability and value may be very closely linked, dependent upon the circumstances that necessitate or lead to the viewpoint being expressed, or the subject being considered. These considerations are undoubtedly going to tax the minds of our politicians and other decision makers in decades to come, particularly, as a result of the projected ageing population in the UK. We will all have to fight our own corner, as long as we are capable of doing so, either individually, or collectively, or probably a combination of both.
Will we be considered a drain on the community's resources, when we can no longer provide what is considered a valuable input into society? Will our viability be questioned by the decision makers of the day? Will the value of the input we made into society during our lives, when we were considered to be vital and valuable, as well as viable, be considered when our future is questioned / considered?
As we lie in the nursing home or hospital bed, hopefully, there will be someone around who will be in a position to point out to the young fit decision makers, that the person they see lying, silently, there is the same person others remember for his/her contribution to society, no matter how great or small it was. He /she is still a member of the human race. God considered him/her a valuable creation, whether born or unborn.
The above is possibly for the future. What about today? The object will be to ensure that, while one can, one maximises one's ability to provide a valuable role for one's family and leave concerns regarding the judgement of one's value, to God, who I believe is not interested in one's potential viability!
JSAFGA
Friday, 26 August 2011
A TRUSTED, PROFESSIONAL EAR CAN ASSIST
Having experienced the development of a, less than tranquil transitional period, during the past few weeks, I considered it necessary to arrange an extended appointment, for a one to one discussion, with my GP the other day. It was the first appointment I have arranged with him, specifically, to discuss the dementing state, outside of my annual, general health, review.
It was a satisfactory consultation from my point of view. He did all the listening! It provided an important opportunity to update the GP on developments, from my perspective. Arrangements for professional counselling sessions, should I consider it appropriate at anytime, are now being undertaken. This backup facility, I have been considering requesting for sometime. Knowing that it will be available, should I wish to avail of it, is a great help.
There has been an increasing sense of an erosion of independence and reduction in one's ability to be in charge of one's destiny. Some of this has been real and some has, possibly, been more perception than reality. Being independent and even more importantly, in charge of one's destiny, is extremely important. I wish the same to apply, as far as is practically possible, at all the remaining developmental stages of my life. This is possible even within the confines of a residential care facility. Although not always the case, in these establishments, the emphasis should be on ascertaining and as far as possible, meeting, the needs of the cared for, as opposed to the needs / convenience of the organisation.
A sense of being misunderstood and misunderstanding others, is a complicated business, with which one has to deal. It is a challenging and complex business, under normal circumstances, yet even more complex now, at a time when keeping things uncomplicated and clear are essential to maximising function ability. In order to avoid the dangers of complexity, it is necessary to seek out individuals who have the ability and adaptability to "talk straight" and who I can know of you that you will "say what you mean and mean what you say". This is far more important now, than it was a couple of years ago. There is a risk, of which there have been a couple, of unfortunate incidents, where I have considered it necessary to tell individuals to do so. In social situations, this understandly, from their "normal" perspective, is considered "ungracious". Yes, that may be the case. However, I no longer, always receive or perceive things that people say and do, in the same way as I may have in the past. This applies to family, friends and strangers and therefore it is not that one group is singled out for special treatment, be it good or bad!
HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS IN A POSITIVE, PROBLEM SOLVING, MANNER?
a. Avoid, as far as practically possible, people (the number seems to increase) who you know seem to present such difficulties.
b. Find one or two individuals (they may be small in number) who you know do not present these problems.
c. Try and develop strategies for dealing with such situations, without causing offence.
d. Try and remind yourself that there was a time in the past when these individuals would not have seemed to present such difficulties for you. It is not that they who have changed - Accept, it is you that has changed! Nevertheless, don't beat yourself up about it. If the battery is losing it's power, you cant expect the light to shine so brightly!
JSAFGA
It was a satisfactory consultation from my point of view. He did all the listening! It provided an important opportunity to update the GP on developments, from my perspective. Arrangements for professional counselling sessions, should I consider it appropriate at anytime, are now being undertaken. This backup facility, I have been considering requesting for sometime. Knowing that it will be available, should I wish to avail of it, is a great help.
There has been an increasing sense of an erosion of independence and reduction in one's ability to be in charge of one's destiny. Some of this has been real and some has, possibly, been more perception than reality. Being independent and even more importantly, in charge of one's destiny, is extremely important. I wish the same to apply, as far as is practically possible, at all the remaining developmental stages of my life. This is possible even within the confines of a residential care facility. Although not always the case, in these establishments, the emphasis should be on ascertaining and as far as possible, meeting, the needs of the cared for, as opposed to the needs / convenience of the organisation.
A sense of being misunderstood and misunderstanding others, is a complicated business, with which one has to deal. It is a challenging and complex business, under normal circumstances, yet even more complex now, at a time when keeping things uncomplicated and clear are essential to maximising function ability. In order to avoid the dangers of complexity, it is necessary to seek out individuals who have the ability and adaptability to "talk straight" and who I can know of you that you will "say what you mean and mean what you say". This is far more important now, than it was a couple of years ago. There is a risk, of which there have been a couple, of unfortunate incidents, where I have considered it necessary to tell individuals to do so. In social situations, this understandly, from their "normal" perspective, is considered "ungracious". Yes, that may be the case. However, I no longer, always receive or perceive things that people say and do, in the same way as I may have in the past. This applies to family, friends and strangers and therefore it is not that one group is singled out for special treatment, be it good or bad!
HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS IN A POSITIVE, PROBLEM SOLVING, MANNER?
a. Avoid, as far as practically possible, people (the number seems to increase) who you know seem to present such difficulties.
b. Find one or two individuals (they may be small in number) who you know do not present these problems.
c. Try and develop strategies for dealing with such situations, without causing offence.
d. Try and remind yourself that there was a time in the past when these individuals would not have seemed to present such difficulties for you. It is not that they who have changed - Accept, it is you that has changed! Nevertheless, don't beat yourself up about it. If the battery is losing it's power, you cant expect the light to shine so brightly!
JSAFGA
Sunday, 21 August 2011
THREATS - PERCEIVED OR OTHERWISE
Seems like have sailed into choppy waters this weekend, as when sailing in an area of wind against tide. Know the conditions will change, either the wind will shift direction and even if it doesn't, the tide will, eventually, turn.
Today, being a Sunday, maybe is a good day to consider the issue of Threats - Perceived or Otherwise.
What threats am I talking about? Well these come in many shapes and sizes and it is now becoming more difficult to differentiate between those that are perceived and those that are actual. There is a danger in getting them mixed up, as they are so significantly different in outcome, yet they can seem equally ominous, until unravelled. The difficulty is unravelling them!
What are the areas concerned?
a. Credibility b. Integrity c. Reduced ability to understand / assimilate d. Others' perceptions of oneself
e. Isolation
However, in the darkness of the moment, has come a ray of light from one of the village community, who, I consider to be a lighthouse / safe haven, the only one, apart from my wife, that is. A simple request for me to help him and his family in a small, yet meaningful manner. It is a major boost to one's confidence, self esteem (not to be confused with ego), at such times, when one is acknowledged as being someone who can be of assistance. This is even more uplifting, when you know that they are aware of your having dementia.
One cannot expect people to understand the complexities of the situation, when they are not experiencing it and when one does not fully understand it oneself.
In spite of the few current issues referred to above, LIFE IS GOOD!
JSAFGA
Today, being a Sunday, maybe is a good day to consider the issue of Threats - Perceived or Otherwise.
What threats am I talking about? Well these come in many shapes and sizes and it is now becoming more difficult to differentiate between those that are perceived and those that are actual. There is a danger in getting them mixed up, as they are so significantly different in outcome, yet they can seem equally ominous, until unravelled. The difficulty is unravelling them!
What are the areas concerned?
a. Credibility b. Integrity c. Reduced ability to understand / assimilate d. Others' perceptions of oneself
e. Isolation
However, in the darkness of the moment, has come a ray of light from one of the village community, who, I consider to be a lighthouse / safe haven, the only one, apart from my wife, that is. A simple request for me to help him and his family in a small, yet meaningful manner. It is a major boost to one's confidence, self esteem (not to be confused with ego), at such times, when one is acknowledged as being someone who can be of assistance. This is even more uplifting, when you know that they are aware of your having dementia.
One cannot expect people to understand the complexities of the situation, when they are not experiencing it and when one does not fully understand it oneself.
In spite of the few current issues referred to above, LIFE IS GOOD!
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
TIME LOST - TIME GAINED
I have just noted that these blogs commenced on the 4th July - Independence Day.
I am amazed that it is therefore only approximately six weeks since this journey commenced. If it had been indicated that my first offering had been made three or four months ago, that would have seemed reasonable - but six weeks, I find truly amazing. Is this of significance? Well yes to me it is, I am not sure why. A period of time that should be is not. A period of time that apparently has been, doesn't seem to be correct. This has just created a degree of uncertainty for me, that I am currently NOW working through. There is a cloudy confusion at this moment that I am sharing and one that I know will lift at some stage, maybe in seconds, minutes, or hours, I do not know. How do I cope with this, what to do - keep calm enjoy the classical music that is playing, ironically entitled "Classical Chillout". I don't feel chilled out, there is an anxiety re confused time awareness. Sorry this has happened while blogging, but always have to go with the flow in trust that all will be well. The Beatles song "We Can Work It Out" springs to mind. As I carry on writing the significance of what it was that presented this issue is subsiding and although I recall it was about time lost and gained, I am managing to let it dissipate and a tranquility / normality is returning.
The theme of Independence is one I will now focus on, possibly briefly, who knows!!
The significance of independence is, I consider major. To be able to be as independent as possible, is an aim I focus on each day, being constantly reminded by my actions and reactions to people / situations, that like the memory etc, it has started, to ever so slowly ebb away. I will fight and am being lovingly supported by my wife, to retain as much independence as I can, for as long as I can. There are increasingly, more areas of life where I have to, unhappily, admit to not being able to cope with as independently as had always been the case in the past. I know what they are and don't intend to list them!! Why should I?
There are now different daily responsibilities that I hold on to and cherish, relatively minor as they may be compared to the responsibilities and drivers of my former professional life. However, in this life of NOW, they are, as I like to think and as my wife tells me, a significant contribution to our life. They are my daily drivers in to trying to maximise the use of the slowly dying wind that used to billow my sails and enable me to enjoy making the most of sailing close to the wind, both metaphorically and literally, in connection with work and when relaxing sailing.
Independence, self respect and dignity are very closely interlinked. They are interdependent to a large extent and the diminution of one has an automatic knock on effect on the others. Start to lose independence and self respect diminishes. If one's dignity is threatened, whether perceived or actual, then self respect is also at risk.
However, independence is retained at a price. One has to be constantly as focused as possible, so that one does not undertake or fails to remember to undertake, what is reasonably expected of one. This is a concern, when one knows from experience, that certain aspects of failed memory, or mildly unreasonable behaviour, demonstrated in either speech or acts, understandably, undermine the faith others can place in and the degree of independent latitude that should be afforded to you.
IS THIS A COMPLEX STATE ? YES
ARE WE PROBLEM SOLVERS? YES!
WILL WE MAXIMISE THE USE OF OUR RESOURCES TO DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES? YES!
JSAFGA
I am amazed that it is therefore only approximately six weeks since this journey commenced. If it had been indicated that my first offering had been made three or four months ago, that would have seemed reasonable - but six weeks, I find truly amazing. Is this of significance? Well yes to me it is, I am not sure why. A period of time that should be is not. A period of time that apparently has been, doesn't seem to be correct. This has just created a degree of uncertainty for me, that I am currently NOW working through. There is a cloudy confusion at this moment that I am sharing and one that I know will lift at some stage, maybe in seconds, minutes, or hours, I do not know. How do I cope with this, what to do - keep calm enjoy the classical music that is playing, ironically entitled "Classical Chillout". I don't feel chilled out, there is an anxiety re confused time awareness. Sorry this has happened while blogging, but always have to go with the flow in trust that all will be well. The Beatles song "We Can Work It Out" springs to mind. As I carry on writing the significance of what it was that presented this issue is subsiding and although I recall it was about time lost and gained, I am managing to let it dissipate and a tranquility / normality is returning.
The theme of Independence is one I will now focus on, possibly briefly, who knows!!
The significance of independence is, I consider major. To be able to be as independent as possible, is an aim I focus on each day, being constantly reminded by my actions and reactions to people / situations, that like the memory etc, it has started, to ever so slowly ebb away. I will fight and am being lovingly supported by my wife, to retain as much independence as I can, for as long as I can. There are increasingly, more areas of life where I have to, unhappily, admit to not being able to cope with as independently as had always been the case in the past. I know what they are and don't intend to list them!! Why should I?
There are now different daily responsibilities that I hold on to and cherish, relatively minor as they may be compared to the responsibilities and drivers of my former professional life. However, in this life of NOW, they are, as I like to think and as my wife tells me, a significant contribution to our life. They are my daily drivers in to trying to maximise the use of the slowly dying wind that used to billow my sails and enable me to enjoy making the most of sailing close to the wind, both metaphorically and literally, in connection with work and when relaxing sailing.
Independence, self respect and dignity are very closely interlinked. They are interdependent to a large extent and the diminution of one has an automatic knock on effect on the others. Start to lose independence and self respect diminishes. If one's dignity is threatened, whether perceived or actual, then self respect is also at risk.
However, independence is retained at a price. One has to be constantly as focused as possible, so that one does not undertake or fails to remember to undertake, what is reasonably expected of one. This is a concern, when one knows from experience, that certain aspects of failed memory, or mildly unreasonable behaviour, demonstrated in either speech or acts, understandably, undermine the faith others can place in and the degree of independent latitude that should be afforded to you.
IS THIS A COMPLEX STATE ? YES
ARE WE PROBLEM SOLVERS? YES!
WILL WE MAXIMISE THE USE OF OUR RESOURCES TO DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES? YES!
JSAFGA
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
NO, ONE FITS ALL SOLOUTION, IN DEMENTIA
I do not prepare these blogs in advance and only give thought to what the content will be as the "New Post" sign comes up on the screen. This "go with the flow" approach, I find more inspirational and less mental blocking / stultifying than struggling with a planned /detailed offering. That form of approach now, I find can be quite frustrating, as the reduced concentration span in planned, formalised writing now, is stress inducing and stultifying and therefore not productive. Having spent my former professional life in necessary detailed planning as an essential feature, this alternative approach is proving to be the most satisfactory. However, although this approach suits me, it would obviously not be the case for others.
As the title of this blog indicates, each individual has to find their own best way of approaching issues. However, it is also the case that although one particular approach to situations may prove to be satisfactory one day, the same will not be the case on another day. One then has to try and adapt accordingly. In other words, flexibility has to be the name of the game.
Now, the above necessity for flexibility is all well and good for the dementiate. However, this does present difficulties for the carer. As there is no guaranteed, fixed pattern of behaviour or approach to issues, my wife has to be equally flexible in her response. A carer's lot is not always a happy one!
A frustration, I find, sometimes, is being aware that I am not always able to be consistent in many ways, yet am unable to revert to type at that time. A high degree of self awareness, can be both a blessing and a curse at these times.
So, in summary, there is not a "one fits all solution" to many similar issues, even though the circumstances may seem to be the same. Unfortunately, one's response to situations cannot be reliably predicted.
JSAFGA
As the title of this blog indicates, each individual has to find their own best way of approaching issues. However, it is also the case that although one particular approach to situations may prove to be satisfactory one day, the same will not be the case on another day. One then has to try and adapt accordingly. In other words, flexibility has to be the name of the game.
Now, the above necessity for flexibility is all well and good for the dementiate. However, this does present difficulties for the carer. As there is no guaranteed, fixed pattern of behaviour or approach to issues, my wife has to be equally flexible in her response. A carer's lot is not always a happy one!
A frustration, I find, sometimes, is being aware that I am not always able to be consistent in many ways, yet am unable to revert to type at that time. A high degree of self awareness, can be both a blessing and a curse at these times.
So, in summary, there is not a "one fits all solution" to many similar issues, even though the circumstances may seem to be the same. Unfortunately, one's response to situations cannot be reliably predicted.
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
LINKING THE PAST WITH TODAY
A couple of weeks ago, I joined a mass protest of 10,000 citizens in support of saving the Railway Company that is a major industrial employer in the area and is under threat of closure, with the loss of thousands of jobs.
The above event rekindled a multiplicity memories of times in the 1970s, when I was employed for three years at the company concerned. At that time in the UK, a million people were unemployed, inflation was rampant and many more jobs were under threat throughout the country. Rolls Royce the world famous aero engine and motor car manufacturing, also based in the town, was about to go into receivership. It was only through mass protests and local cross party political pressure and support, that the government of the day finally reversed it's decision to let the company collapse and nationalised it. After not many years Rolls Royce was once more returned to private ownership and ultimately went on to become the world leading company it is today.
At the recent protest march, on seeing the banner of the trades union I belonged to 40 years ago, I was immediately drawn to walk in solidarity behind it, as in days of yore. I experienced a feeling of solidarity and comradeship, not only with those whose jobs are under threat today, but also in solidarity with the memory of former colleagues, many of whom are no longer alive, or too aged to attend, but who, had they been able, would have turned out to support the industrial family of Railway Employees in Derby.
The whole experience was a very moving and inspirational occasion, rekindling the comradeship and togetherness that a cause of such significance to so many peoples lives in the city engenders. It was as though the industrial relations battles of the 1970s, the government's mismanagement and resulting social injustices of the time, were once more having to be addressed, some 40 years later.
The above is a personal personal insight, NOT a political statement.
The day rekindled the flame of passion for a cause and the joy of solidarity.
I have increasingly found that the linking of the past with the present, whenever possible, helps to make better sense of each. This I do best, when out walking over the hills with Blossom, my dog or when writing.
The above event rekindled a multiplicity memories of times in the 1970s, when I was employed for three years at the company concerned. At that time in the UK, a million people were unemployed, inflation was rampant and many more jobs were under threat throughout the country. Rolls Royce the world famous aero engine and motor car manufacturing, also based in the town, was about to go into receivership. It was only through mass protests and local cross party political pressure and support, that the government of the day finally reversed it's decision to let the company collapse and nationalised it. After not many years Rolls Royce was once more returned to private ownership and ultimately went on to become the world leading company it is today.
At the recent protest march, on seeing the banner of the trades union I belonged to 40 years ago, I was immediately drawn to walk in solidarity behind it, as in days of yore. I experienced a feeling of solidarity and comradeship, not only with those whose jobs are under threat today, but also in solidarity with the memory of former colleagues, many of whom are no longer alive, or too aged to attend, but who, had they been able, would have turned out to support the industrial family of Railway Employees in Derby.
The whole experience was a very moving and inspirational occasion, rekindling the comradeship and togetherness that a cause of such significance to so many peoples lives in the city engenders. It was as though the industrial relations battles of the 1970s, the government's mismanagement and resulting social injustices of the time, were once more having to be addressed, some 40 years later.
The above is a personal personal insight, NOT a political statement.
The day rekindled the flame of passion for a cause and the joy of solidarity.
I have increasingly found that the linking of the past with the present, whenever possible, helps to make better sense of each. This I do best, when out walking over the hills with Blossom, my dog or when writing.
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