I share with you a technique that I find helpful, particularly when having difficulty remembering someones name during a conversation. Not necessarily the name of the person to whom I am speaking, but usually the name of someone else to whom I wish to refer. This technique is probably more easily adopted in a small village community of about 100 people, like that where I live, rather than in a town. However, even there, it may have it's uses for communicating about a person who lives in the same road or vicinity.
What I do, in instances when I cannot recall the name of someone about whom I want to refer during a conversation, is I may refer to their trade. For example I will sometimes refer to the farmer who lives in the farmhouse at the top of the lane on the bend. The person to whom I am speaking will invariably know who I mean and will refer to them by their name. This allows the conversation to continue, fairly, unimpeded. Once the individual with whom I am conversing has understood that sometimes they will be required to provide reminder links of this nature, all is well for both parties. It comes as a bit of a shock for them on the first couple of occasions, but from then on, they are usually happy to oblige in this manner. The initial shock for the other party is when they know that you know the other individual well, to whom you are referring and whose name you cannot remember. They therefore wonder why you are communicating in this form of
descriptive manner. On the second occasion, I usually come clean and state that I sometimes have memory recall difficulties. This I find the simplest and most straightforward approach and the least stressful for all concerned. It is like anything else, once one knows the extent of a problem then one can easier deal with it.
JSAFGA
Monday, 28 November 2011
Thursday, 24 November 2011
TAKE THE RISK - HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD
On a good day and when necessary, I seek to take opportunities to take charge of events either at home or in the company of others, including suggestion of solutions to problematic situations. My wife has increasingly supported me in doing so, in the four years since I was diagnosed.
Now, of course, sometimes the above can be tricky. One has to try to be sure that you have totally understood the situation, before proffering one's guidance. However, for an increased degree of personal respect / credence, I believe it a risk worth taking. In these situations, I hope that I have not misunderstood what has been said or misread the situation. There again, don't non dementing people, frequently, do that? Of course they do!
So I say to my fellow dementing brothers and sisters, have courage, speak out when you think it appropriate, offer advice and a view, when you think it is warranted. You may get a worried look or bemused response from aquaintances who think they know you, but really don't. However, let them have their own moment of confusion to deal with, we have enough of our own! In that golden moment of clear thinking, be brave, seize the opportunity, make the statement, offer the advice, demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of the situation, whatever it might be. Take the opportunity to build up / repair any damaged self worth, or lost confidence. Let others see the positive aspect of your hidden depths, dispel for some the myth that, having dementia means that you do not, anymore, have the potential to provide a degree of leadership, insight and
understanding.
Take the risk!
Now, of course, sometimes the above can be tricky. One has to try to be sure that you have totally understood the situation, before proffering one's guidance. However, for an increased degree of personal respect / credence, I believe it a risk worth taking. In these situations, I hope that I have not misunderstood what has been said or misread the situation. There again, don't non dementing people, frequently, do that? Of course they do!
So I say to my fellow dementing brothers and sisters, have courage, speak out when you think it appropriate, offer advice and a view, when you think it is warranted. You may get a worried look or bemused response from aquaintances who think they know you, but really don't. However, let them have their own moment of confusion to deal with, we have enough of our own! In that golden moment of clear thinking, be brave, seize the opportunity, make the statement, offer the advice, demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of the situation, whatever it might be. Take the opportunity to build up / repair any damaged self worth, or lost confidence. Let others see the positive aspect of your hidden depths, dispel for some the myth that, having dementia means that you do not, anymore, have the potential to provide a degree of leadership, insight and
understanding.
Take the risk!
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
A TRICKY WINDY PATH
Here we go again, an expression of thoughts and inner feelings / emotions that are around on a daily basis. Some more pronounced than others, on days in question, dependent upon the circumstances.
It is a tricky, winding path this journey is currently following. Moments of great fun, laughter and joy. Others of bitter frustration and anger when misunderstood, ignored, or intentionally avoided and sidelined. Those one or two who avoid me, I think, mainly do so out of a feared concern regarding their lack of ability to cope with / handle my possible response to them. There is a wealth of misunderstanding, some no doubt on my part, which I suppose is understandable, in relation to the manner of social communication with the likes of myself, at this stage of the dementia journey. Fortunately my wife and carer understands my current need for simplicity and straight talking when dealing with others. Unfortunately not everyone else can.
The above may seem a bit of a self centred approach / rant. It is to a certain extent, yet this perceived need for simple straight forward communication is a NEED, to minimise confusion. Confusion leads to frustration and misuderstanding and the consequence of this sometimes leads to others being offended by my reaction.
I hope that any fellow travellers on this journey, be they carers or fellow dementiates, who may read this blog, get some comfort from knowing that, if they are experiencing these irritations or the consequences of the same, they are not travelling alone!
JSAFGA
It is a tricky, winding path this journey is currently following. Moments of great fun, laughter and joy. Others of bitter frustration and anger when misunderstood, ignored, or intentionally avoided and sidelined. Those one or two who avoid me, I think, mainly do so out of a feared concern regarding their lack of ability to cope with / handle my possible response to them. There is a wealth of misunderstanding, some no doubt on my part, which I suppose is understandable, in relation to the manner of social communication with the likes of myself, at this stage of the dementia journey. Fortunately my wife and carer understands my current need for simplicity and straight talking when dealing with others. Unfortunately not everyone else can.
The above may seem a bit of a self centred approach / rant. It is to a certain extent, yet this perceived need for simple straight forward communication is a NEED, to minimise confusion. Confusion leads to frustration and misuderstanding and the consequence of this sometimes leads to others being offended by my reaction.
I hope that any fellow travellers on this journey, be they carers or fellow dementiates, who may read this blog, get some comfort from knowing that, if they are experiencing these irritations or the consequences of the same, they are not travelling alone!
JSAFGA
Sunday, 20 November 2011
FOG THE LEVELLER
This morning's early morning walk down the valley in thick fog, ironically, proved to be another opportunity for a degree of possible alternative enlightenment and reflection.
Firstly, ahead of me I noticed that Blossom, my Springer Spaniel, had lay down in a submissive manner on the ground. I then noticed in the mists, what appeared to be the outline of a large cow. In the normal way, Blossom would not react in this manner, at the sight of a cow. She is familiar with the local cattle, as are they with her and their presence never upsets the other. However, as I got within 20 yards of the shape, I could make out the outline, not of a cow, but of two men and a couple of dogs, hence, my own dog staying laid down. The people concerned had waited, as they had obviously seen my figure looming out of the fog as I approached and they too were not sure as to whether or not I was an approaching beast. When we all came within distance of positive sighting and identification of each other, noting all was well, we exchanged greetings and carried on our respective travels.
The above event reminded me that, there are occasions when clarity of thought and speech are being joined by others in whose company I am present, while at the same time, I have become conscious that I am struggling with aspects of fogginess of thought and communication. However, this morning's fog provided what I considered was a "level playing field" for all concerned. The other two people present and their dogs, were just as unsure and unclear as myself and Blossom. They were evidently reassured when Blossom came with me up the other side of the valley. I sat for a while in the fog and felt a strange degree of satisfaction, that those two people had briefly experienced an aspect of the practical reality of the lack of internal clarity and the fogginess similar to which I regularly experience, even on sunny days.
One cannot reasonably expect, empathy and understanding of one's confusion, memory loss and episodes of frustrated verbal aggression. One certainly doesn't want sympathy, as that does NOT help at all. However, in the quiet safety of this blog, I am able to give external expression, which I find helpful, to some internal analysis of my onward journey through what is in general a "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
Firstly, ahead of me I noticed that Blossom, my Springer Spaniel, had lay down in a submissive manner on the ground. I then noticed in the mists, what appeared to be the outline of a large cow. In the normal way, Blossom would not react in this manner, at the sight of a cow. She is familiar with the local cattle, as are they with her and their presence never upsets the other. However, as I got within 20 yards of the shape, I could make out the outline, not of a cow, but of two men and a couple of dogs, hence, my own dog staying laid down. The people concerned had waited, as they had obviously seen my figure looming out of the fog as I approached and they too were not sure as to whether or not I was an approaching beast. When we all came within distance of positive sighting and identification of each other, noting all was well, we exchanged greetings and carried on our respective travels.
The above event reminded me that, there are occasions when clarity of thought and speech are being joined by others in whose company I am present, while at the same time, I have become conscious that I am struggling with aspects of fogginess of thought and communication. However, this morning's fog provided what I considered was a "level playing field" for all concerned. The other two people present and their dogs, were just as unsure and unclear as myself and Blossom. They were evidently reassured when Blossom came with me up the other side of the valley. I sat for a while in the fog and felt a strange degree of satisfaction, that those two people had briefly experienced an aspect of the practical reality of the lack of internal clarity and the fogginess similar to which I regularly experience, even on sunny days.
One cannot reasonably expect, empathy and understanding of one's confusion, memory loss and episodes of frustrated verbal aggression. One certainly doesn't want sympathy, as that does NOT help at all. However, in the quiet safety of this blog, I am able to give external expression, which I find helpful, to some internal analysis of my onward journey through what is in general a "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
RESPECT
Today's fog and mists have not clouded the thought processes, I am pleased to say. Out walking, I pondered the different responses I get from various individuals in the community in which I live, when I communicate with them and they with me. I am aware that what I say, or my reactions to what others say to me, will automatically influence their response and their view of me, as is the normal human response in the communication process.
The most significant issue of all, in the often complicated situation of communication, as far as I am currently concerned, is that of "respect". Respect is the basic ingredient with which every human being, of what ever age or state, has the right to be treated. This is of course a two way process. One cannot expect to be respected or treated with respect, unless one accords the same to others. However, I do appreciate that this is not always as easy to do, as one would hope. This is the case, whether dealing with young or old whether one is well or has some form of illness.
Unless an individual knows you well or knows about your current state, whatever that might be, there is the likelihood that their respect for you may be jeopardised by your statements, actions, or reactions, to them and / or situations in which they are involved with you. These may be social, professional contacts, or as members of the public in the course of day to day contacts. These reactions may be viewed as understandable / reasonable. However, they do still pose difficulties in respect of their affect on the degree of trust that one has in others and they in you. This in turn may affect the future quality of relationship and communication between the persons concerned.
Dementia adds an additional aspect of potential risk to the breakdown of respect between dementi and others. It's associated behavioural and social issues, may understandably lead to false opinions / assumptions regarding the person concerned. They may be considered to be less desirable, than previously, in social gatherings and often induce a perceived, if not real, patronising response from others. One has to admit, that this response is not surprising and probably not unreasonable. However, it does pose a serious risk to one's confidence and self respect. This, in turn, risks a desire for the protection of increased isolation. I suspect that this scenario applies just as much in the daycare or residential care settings, as it does for individuals still living in the community.
So, what is the solution to the issues I raise in this blog. Firstly, I do not think there is a "one fits all" solution. The situation is complex, as are the responses and interactions between all parties involved. However, on further reflection, it certainly could help, if people like myself, with dementia, made as great an effort as possible, while we are still able, to behave in such a way that the frequency of occurrence of these problems are minimised. In addition, it could also be helpful, if the general public, carers, both formal and informal, health care professionals and social care professionals, were better educated in aspects of this topic. This could then lead to a greater understanding of the benefits to all concerned of the importance and significance of "respect".
JSAFGA
The most significant issue of all, in the often complicated situation of communication, as far as I am currently concerned, is that of "respect". Respect is the basic ingredient with which every human being, of what ever age or state, has the right to be treated. This is of course a two way process. One cannot expect to be respected or treated with respect, unless one accords the same to others. However, I do appreciate that this is not always as easy to do, as one would hope. This is the case, whether dealing with young or old whether one is well or has some form of illness.
Unless an individual knows you well or knows about your current state, whatever that might be, there is the likelihood that their respect for you may be jeopardised by your statements, actions, or reactions, to them and / or situations in which they are involved with you. These may be social, professional contacts, or as members of the public in the course of day to day contacts. These reactions may be viewed as understandable / reasonable. However, they do still pose difficulties in respect of their affect on the degree of trust that one has in others and they in you. This in turn may affect the future quality of relationship and communication between the persons concerned.
Dementia adds an additional aspect of potential risk to the breakdown of respect between dementi and others. It's associated behavioural and social issues, may understandably lead to false opinions / assumptions regarding the person concerned. They may be considered to be less desirable, than previously, in social gatherings and often induce a perceived, if not real, patronising response from others. One has to admit, that this response is not surprising and probably not unreasonable. However, it does pose a serious risk to one's confidence and self respect. This, in turn, risks a desire for the protection of increased isolation. I suspect that this scenario applies just as much in the daycare or residential care settings, as it does for individuals still living in the community.
So, what is the solution to the issues I raise in this blog. Firstly, I do not think there is a "one fits all" solution. The situation is complex, as are the responses and interactions between all parties involved. However, on further reflection, it certainly could help, if people like myself, with dementia, made as great an effort as possible, while we are still able, to behave in such a way that the frequency of occurrence of these problems are minimised. In addition, it could also be helpful, if the general public, carers, both formal and informal, health care professionals and social care professionals, were better educated in aspects of this topic. This could then lead to a greater understanding of the benefits to all concerned of the importance and significance of "respect".
JSAFGA
Monday, 14 November 2011
A SILENT FRIEND
The advantages and benefits of close friendships are numerous. However, I also greatly appreciate the benefit of having a loyal, trusted, yet, silent friend. One who listens, who is always there. One who usually responds to requests / directions, without explanation. One who always defends in times of potential danger, whether real or perceived. One who trusts you to have done and to do, whatever is required. One who does not need to check to see whether or not you have taken your tablets or whether you have left something on the cooker. One who does not have to worry whether something you say, in company, may offend. One who is not concerned if you stay out for an extra hour or so, when walking in the meadows. One who does not proffer unsolicited, although possibly well meaning, advice. The silent friend to whom I refer, of course, is Blossom, our Springer Spaniel.
Now, I appreciate that it is easy for a dog to provide uncomplicated companionship. As an animal, she has few needs to be met and is easily pleased. Yet she is a significant member our family unit. The many hours I spend each day out walking the hills, are enhanced significantly by the attendant company of Blossom. To watch her running in the meadows, as I walk, leaping walls, chasing rabbits and other wildlife, springing pheasant etc, provides an extraordinary amount of pleasure and mental stimuli. Whatever the weather conditions, the fun and joy of these daily walks are greatly appreciated and are to be savoured. It is hoped that at some far distant date, when they cannot be undertaken, the memories of the joy our "Silent Friend" brought, will never be forgotten.
JSAFGA
Now, I appreciate that it is easy for a dog to provide uncomplicated companionship. As an animal, she has few needs to be met and is easily pleased. Yet she is a significant member our family unit. The many hours I spend each day out walking the hills, are enhanced significantly by the attendant company of Blossom. To watch her running in the meadows, as I walk, leaping walls, chasing rabbits and other wildlife, springing pheasant etc, provides an extraordinary amount of pleasure and mental stimuli. Whatever the weather conditions, the fun and joy of these daily walks are greatly appreciated and are to be savoured. It is hoped that at some far distant date, when they cannot be undertaken, the memories of the joy our "Silent Friend" brought, will never be forgotten.
JSAFGA
Friday, 11 November 2011
UNFORSEEN BENEFITS OF SHUTTING DOWN
This foggy, late autumn day, has inspired today's blog. The meadows and surrounding hills have been shrouded in a thick blanket of fog all day. The walk with Blossom this morning had a different dimension to it, with cows and sheep appearing and disappearing in and out of the mists as we passed.
Knowing what would normally be visible in the different areas, yet could not be seen today, it struck me that in a similar way, the memory and thought processes and even conversations, nowadays, sometimes take on aspects of vision, both internal and expressed externally, which may cloud what is really meant to be said and what is sometimes lost, if only temporarily.
In a positive vein, the vagueness and sometimes foggy thought process can possibly be beneficial, if accepted as a benefit. This can happen, if one can overcome the often immediate associated response of
frustration, sufficiently, to stop and let the brain take the time out it is apparently asking for, rather than making it continue to frustratingly struggle. Once cerebral equilibrium has been established, new and totally unassociated thought processes can emerge that take one on a comletely different cerebral journey. The clouds of the mind slowly lift and reveal beautiful new horizons, some of which you had not previously seen, or viewed in this new way.
The above experience, is similar to the way that the fog and mists of today, shut out the normally beautiful views. Yet at the same time, it helped inspire thoughts about the opportunities and potential benefits of giving the brain, temporary shut down / recovery time, which can then facilitate the development of further new inspirations.
I should point out that the words "inspire" and "inspiration" are used advisedly. I am mindful that the personal illuminations described and their resulting expression, will possibly only serve to create a thick fog / mist and even blurred understanding / misunderstanding for those not sharing the dementing process.
JSAFGA
Knowing what would normally be visible in the different areas, yet could not be seen today, it struck me that in a similar way, the memory and thought processes and even conversations, nowadays, sometimes take on aspects of vision, both internal and expressed externally, which may cloud what is really meant to be said and what is sometimes lost, if only temporarily.
In a positive vein, the vagueness and sometimes foggy thought process can possibly be beneficial, if accepted as a benefit. This can happen, if one can overcome the often immediate associated response of
frustration, sufficiently, to stop and let the brain take the time out it is apparently asking for, rather than making it continue to frustratingly struggle. Once cerebral equilibrium has been established, new and totally unassociated thought processes can emerge that take one on a comletely different cerebral journey. The clouds of the mind slowly lift and reveal beautiful new horizons, some of which you had not previously seen, or viewed in this new way.
The above experience, is similar to the way that the fog and mists of today, shut out the normally beautiful views. Yet at the same time, it helped inspire thoughts about the opportunities and potential benefits of giving the brain, temporary shut down / recovery time, which can then facilitate the development of further new inspirations.
I should point out that the words "inspire" and "inspiration" are used advisedly. I am mindful that the personal illuminations described and their resulting expression, will possibly only serve to create a thick fog / mist and even blurred understanding / misunderstanding for those not sharing the dementing process.
JSAFGA
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