This foggy, late autumn day, has inspired today's blog. The meadows and surrounding hills have been shrouded in a thick blanket of fog all day. The walk with Blossom this morning had a different dimension to it, with cows and sheep appearing and disappearing in and out of the mists as we passed.
Knowing what would normally be visible in the different areas, yet could not be seen today, it struck me that in a similar way, the memory and thought processes and even conversations, nowadays, sometimes take on aspects of vision, both internal and expressed externally, which may cloud what is really meant to be said and what is sometimes lost, if only temporarily.
In a positive vein, the vagueness and sometimes foggy thought process can possibly be beneficial, if accepted as a benefit. This can happen, if one can overcome the often immediate associated response of
frustration, sufficiently, to stop and let the brain take the time out it is apparently asking for, rather than making it continue to frustratingly struggle. Once cerebral equilibrium has been established, new and totally unassociated thought processes can emerge that take one on a comletely different cerebral journey. The clouds of the mind slowly lift and reveal beautiful new horizons, some of which you had not previously seen, or viewed in this new way.
The above experience, is similar to the way that the fog and mists of today, shut out the normally beautiful views. Yet at the same time, it helped inspire thoughts about the opportunities and potential benefits of giving the brain, temporary shut down / recovery time, which can then facilitate the development of further new inspirations.
I should point out that the words "inspire" and "inspiration" are used advisedly. I am mindful that the personal illuminations described and their resulting expression, will possibly only serve to create a thick fog / mist and even blurred understanding / misunderstanding for those not sharing the dementing process.
JSAFGA
Friday, 11 November 2011
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
HELPING YOUR CARER NOT TO WORRY
I choose this blog title today, as it is topical to me and my wife's (my carer) current situation. She goes into hospital tomorrow morning for an exploratory procedure that is usually undertaken on a day case basis, although the hospital have warned her that, as she is undergoing a general anaesthetic, she may have to remain in overnight. However, in view of her being my carer, she has been put first on the list, so they are hopeful she will be sufficiently recovered to come home later in the day. A good friend, who we jokingly refer to as "the carer's carer", is taking her and bringing her home. She is also meant to be keeping a watchful eye over my well being, while my wife is away.
This situation has highlighted a few issues posed from my perspective, regarding the acceptance / acknowledgement of the need to have someone officially nominated as my carer and the fact that it is considered that when they are temporarily unavailable, that someone else has to deputise. I know that logically this should be the case. However, logic does not always concur with raw emotion. To have to acknowledge that this type of watching cover is necessary, is not that easy to deal with in reality. The only reason I am trying my hardest to outwardly accept the arrangements made, is purely for my wife's sake, so that she will not be worried about me while she is in hospital, even if only for 24hours.
Of course I know and will acknowledge, when being completely honest, the risk elements that exist and make the necessity for this type of caring cover to be provided - Leaving pans on the cooker unattended and forgotten about, forgetting to take medication, dealing, sometimes inappropriately, with other people and upsetting them, difficulties sometimes experienced in dealing with phone calls. These are, unfortunately, some of the issues that make the arrangements above, necessary. The most important one of all, trying to relieve the burden of additional worry that my wife would otherwise incur.
One of the most baffling aspects of dementia to me is that I can happily write a blog of this nature and many other pieces of writing, without any problem, while at the same time experiencing the above issues!
Dealing with these issues / frustrations as calmly as possible is an essential requirement, to ensure that both patient and carer experience "A Good Life With Dementia"!
JSAFGA
This situation has highlighted a few issues posed from my perspective, regarding the acceptance / acknowledgement of the need to have someone officially nominated as my carer and the fact that it is considered that when they are temporarily unavailable, that someone else has to deputise. I know that logically this should be the case. However, logic does not always concur with raw emotion. To have to acknowledge that this type of watching cover is necessary, is not that easy to deal with in reality. The only reason I am trying my hardest to outwardly accept the arrangements made, is purely for my wife's sake, so that she will not be worried about me while she is in hospital, even if only for 24hours.
Of course I know and will acknowledge, when being completely honest, the risk elements that exist and make the necessity for this type of caring cover to be provided - Leaving pans on the cooker unattended and forgotten about, forgetting to take medication, dealing, sometimes inappropriately, with other people and upsetting them, difficulties sometimes experienced in dealing with phone calls. These are, unfortunately, some of the issues that make the arrangements above, necessary. The most important one of all, trying to relieve the burden of additional worry that my wife would otherwise incur.
One of the most baffling aspects of dementia to me is that I can happily write a blog of this nature and many other pieces of writing, without any problem, while at the same time experiencing the above issues!
Dealing with these issues / frustrations as calmly as possible is an essential requirement, to ensure that both patient and carer experience "A Good Life With Dementia"!
JSAFGA
Monday, 7 November 2011
CARER TRUST
Today, I went to hospital with my wife (my Carer), as she was having a pre- operative appointment, in anticipation of her undergoing an investigative procedure, under general anaesthetic, on Thursday. I was delighted that she agreed to me accompanying her into the consultation. Understandably, at my suggestion, it was on the understanding that I say nothing when she was with the specialist nurse. My wife did however say to me that if there was something I thought important that she might have omitted to say, then I should do so. This was a tremendous demonstration of trust and faith on her part, that she was prepared to risk my being present. (I use the word "risk" advisably, as I acknowledge, there was an element of risk involved on her part) However, I am delighted to report that the consultation proceeded without a hitch and I was even able to assist, when asked by my wife to confirm some information that was required.
Now, one may ask why did the above mean so much to you? Well, it demonstrated to me that in a potentially risky situation, my wife was still able to place her trust in me that I would be able to behave as agreed. The fact that I did so was a relief to her and to me! Unfortunately, these days, I cannot accurately predict what my response will be in different sets of circumstances and so this was a very special and morale boosting ocassion. On Thursday, when my wife goes to the hospital for the, day case, procedure to be carried out, a friend of hers will be taking her and bringing her home. I will be at home walking the hills with Blossom, our Springer Spaniel, eagerly awaiting her return.
Coincidentally, on the early morning TV news programme today, there was a gentleman with Alzheimer's, who was in the studio with his carer wife. They were being interviewed live regarding how he had been diagnosed and how they managed the disease. It was good to see this gentleman describing, quite clearly, some aspects of issues involved re the circumstances surrounding events which eventually resulted in his diagnosis and the involvement / lack of involvement of health professionals. Anyway, seeing him gave me added encouragement and incentive to accompany my wife to the clinic today.
So I hope, that in the same way, these blogs may be not just a beneficial expressive release for myself, but possibly, also, a use full / helpful insight and encouragement for others on the dementia journey, their carers and maybe even health professionals with an interest in the subject.
JSAFGA
Now, one may ask why did the above mean so much to you? Well, it demonstrated to me that in a potentially risky situation, my wife was still able to place her trust in me that I would be able to behave as agreed. The fact that I did so was a relief to her and to me! Unfortunately, these days, I cannot accurately predict what my response will be in different sets of circumstances and so this was a very special and morale boosting ocassion. On Thursday, when my wife goes to the hospital for the, day case, procedure to be carried out, a friend of hers will be taking her and bringing her home. I will be at home walking the hills with Blossom, our Springer Spaniel, eagerly awaiting her return.
Coincidentally, on the early morning TV news programme today, there was a gentleman with Alzheimer's, who was in the studio with his carer wife. They were being interviewed live regarding how he had been diagnosed and how they managed the disease. It was good to see this gentleman describing, quite clearly, some aspects of issues involved re the circumstances surrounding events which eventually resulted in his diagnosis and the involvement / lack of involvement of health professionals. Anyway, seeing him gave me added encouragement and incentive to accompany my wife to the clinic today.
So I hope, that in the same way, these blogs may be not just a beneficial expressive release for myself, but possibly, also, a use full / helpful insight and encouragement for others on the dementia journey, their carers and maybe even health professionals with an interest in the subject.
JSAFGA
Sunday, 6 November 2011
TRYING TO AVOID THOSE WHO BRING THE WORST OUT IN YOU
One of the benefits of leading a more seclusive lifestyle, is minimising the opportunity for confrontational situations. There are of course issues that adopting this strategy presents. You may be viewed as isolationist by some in the community. You may also be viewed as a bit odd by some. However, maybe this is the lesser of two evils, namely, better that they view you this way, rather than they insist on making contact that is likely to result in confrontation and upset.
At this stage of the dementing process, while still living at home, the above avoidance is relatively easy for me to organise. In general, I have the freedom and ability to decide whether or not I come into with individuals. However, for the dementing person in residential care or even attending day-care, it is not so easy for those persons to avoid contact with certain members of professional staff responsible for their care, who may have a similar affect on them. This is something that, unpalatable as it may be, caring professional staff, both medical and nursing, should consider.
It will not be easy for most doctors or nurses to be able accept that, in spite of their professional qualifications and experience, because of how they present themselves as individuals to the patient concerned, they will, in some instances, be more of a hinderance to the patient's well being, than help. I recall when my late father, an Alzheimer patient, was in the nursing home, shortly after admission, he used to react particularly badly in the presence of one senior nurse, namely the nursing home's Matron. She was just as caring as any other members of the nursing staff. However, possibly it was her accent and her voice, as opposed to what she said, that for whatever reason, he used to find disturbing. Fortunately, she quickly realised that this was the case. However, rather than letting any professional dignity or personal pride stand in the way, she minimised her personal contact with my father, while at the same time keeping a very close watch on the provision of his care by the nursing staff responsible for his care. This was of course the correct action for her to take.
Increasingly, I experience situations where, for no apparent reason, I find it difficult to be able to put up with people, without reacting, sometimes inappropriately. However, I am able to try and avoid such situations, or people with whom I react badly. People who are receiving residential care, are not able to do so. An understanding and empathetic approach by the health professionals providing their care, is therefore essential. They should be made aware as part of their basic and ongoing professional education, that specifically with dementia patients, the scenario that something as simple as their accent, may possibly be the catalyst to unwittingly cause distress to their patient. When this is suspected, appropriate staff changes should be made.
A patient's well being must always take priority over a health professionals pride!
JSAFGA
At this stage of the dementing process, while still living at home, the above avoidance is relatively easy for me to organise. In general, I have the freedom and ability to decide whether or not I come into with individuals. However, for the dementing person in residential care or even attending day-care, it is not so easy for those persons to avoid contact with certain members of professional staff responsible for their care, who may have a similar affect on them. This is something that, unpalatable as it may be, caring professional staff, both medical and nursing, should consider.
It will not be easy for most doctors or nurses to be able accept that, in spite of their professional qualifications and experience, because of how they present themselves as individuals to the patient concerned, they will, in some instances, be more of a hinderance to the patient's well being, than help. I recall when my late father, an Alzheimer patient, was in the nursing home, shortly after admission, he used to react particularly badly in the presence of one senior nurse, namely the nursing home's Matron. She was just as caring as any other members of the nursing staff. However, possibly it was her accent and her voice, as opposed to what she said, that for whatever reason, he used to find disturbing. Fortunately, she quickly realised that this was the case. However, rather than letting any professional dignity or personal pride stand in the way, she minimised her personal contact with my father, while at the same time keeping a very close watch on the provision of his care by the nursing staff responsible for his care. This was of course the correct action for her to take.
Increasingly, I experience situations where, for no apparent reason, I find it difficult to be able to put up with people, without reacting, sometimes inappropriately. However, I am able to try and avoid such situations, or people with whom I react badly. People who are receiving residential care, are not able to do so. An understanding and empathetic approach by the health professionals providing their care, is therefore essential. They should be made aware as part of their basic and ongoing professional education, that specifically with dementia patients, the scenario that something as simple as their accent, may possibly be the catalyst to unwittingly cause distress to their patient. When this is suspected, appropriate staff changes should be made.
A patient's well being must always take priority over a health professionals pride!
JSAFGA
Saturday, 5 November 2011
ENJOY THE COMPANY OF THOSE WHOSE COMPANY YOU ENJOY
Yesterday we had a pre-arranged visit from a longstanding friend, who together with Lynne, his now deceased wife, had been friends of my wife and myself since our teenage years. Lynne had been a bridesmaid at our wedding 42 years ago. We arrange to meet up about three times a year. These meetings were always in the past joyous and fun filled days and now continue to be with Clive, even though Lynne is no longer with us.
I mention the above, as these visits have always been for me, what I can only describe as "safe". Now what do I mean by "safe"? Safe in so far as there is no feeling of anxiety prior or during our time together. I consider them to be times of complete acceptance of each individual present, treating each other as we always have done, with openness,honesty and loving care. This is not to say that when other people visit some of those elements will not also be present, to a greater or lesser degree. However, we have always been able to accept each other as we are at the time on the day in question - no judgements , no directions, just acceptance of how we are and where we are at on that particular day. This make the company of these people joyous, non judgemental and non stress inducing.
I find it is now best to have, what I consider, a small number of quality friends, rather than a large number of friends. This may be a bit of an isolationist approach, however, it is one with which I consider most fulfilling. This does not of course rule out the acquaintanceship of other people either in the community where one lives or elsewhere. However, the problem I find with interaction with this category of person, is that there is a far greater risk of upsetting them and misunderstandings arising - not necessarily their fault, sometimes mine, nevertheless, problematical all the same.
So, today, I am definitely of the opinion that, for me, and possibly for others, the safest and most productive way forward, is to enjoy the company of those, whose company I enjoy.
JSAFGA
I mention the above, as these visits have always been for me, what I can only describe as "safe". Now what do I mean by "safe"? Safe in so far as there is no feeling of anxiety prior or during our time together. I consider them to be times of complete acceptance of each individual present, treating each other as we always have done, with openness,honesty and loving care. This is not to say that when other people visit some of those elements will not also be present, to a greater or lesser degree. However, we have always been able to accept each other as we are at the time on the day in question - no judgements , no directions, just acceptance of how we are and where we are at on that particular day. This make the company of these people joyous, non judgemental and non stress inducing.
I find it is now best to have, what I consider, a small number of quality friends, rather than a large number of friends. This may be a bit of an isolationist approach, however, it is one with which I consider most fulfilling. This does not of course rule out the acquaintanceship of other people either in the community where one lives or elsewhere. However, the problem I find with interaction with this category of person, is that there is a far greater risk of upsetting them and misunderstandings arising - not necessarily their fault, sometimes mine, nevertheless, problematical all the same.
So, today, I am definitely of the opinion that, for me, and possibly for others, the safest and most productive way forward, is to enjoy the company of those, whose company I enjoy.
JSAFGA
Friday, 4 November 2011
A SMALL TRIUMPH MEANS A LOT
The title of today's blog is born of an incident that occurred yesterday, when using some former skills I was able to resolve a problem.
We had been having a problem with our sky TV and the intermittent loss of our broadband Internet connection. This has been the case for a week and in spite of several calls by my wife and carrying out verbal instructions via the telephone, the problem was not being resolved. The fifth call yesterday morning to yet another different respondent, resulted in my having to speak to the person concerned. The full details of the telephone call I am unable to recall. However, I am able to say that I managed to stay calm and adopted a communication technique, used on many occasions during my former professional life, which resulted in the individual concerned taking the necessary action that resulted in an engineer visiting our premises this morning and quickly repairing the faulty connections.
The small triumph referred to above therefore, was not only the satisfactory outcome in relation to getting the connection problems resolved, but on a personal level to have the satisfaction of having been able to satisfactorily use a former communication technique to good effect. A relatively small triumph of this nature, may not seem much to the reader. However, it has given me a psychological boost as it is refreshing to be able to enjoy what I consider a minor triumph, as opposed to the numerous minor, yet mainly untoward, incidents in which I have been involved.
It is always good to be able to have some positive aspects to focus on as opposed to negative.
JSAFGA
We had been having a problem with our sky TV and the intermittent loss of our broadband Internet connection. This has been the case for a week and in spite of several calls by my wife and carrying out verbal instructions via the telephone, the problem was not being resolved. The fifth call yesterday morning to yet another different respondent, resulted in my having to speak to the person concerned. The full details of the telephone call I am unable to recall. However, I am able to say that I managed to stay calm and adopted a communication technique, used on many occasions during my former professional life, which resulted in the individual concerned taking the necessary action that resulted in an engineer visiting our premises this morning and quickly repairing the faulty connections.
The small triumph referred to above therefore, was not only the satisfactory outcome in relation to getting the connection problems resolved, but on a personal level to have the satisfaction of having been able to satisfactorily use a former communication technique to good effect. A relatively small triumph of this nature, may not seem much to the reader. However, it has given me a psychological boost as it is refreshing to be able to enjoy what I consider a minor triumph, as opposed to the numerous minor, yet mainly untoward, incidents in which I have been involved.
It is always good to be able to have some positive aspects to focus on as opposed to negative.
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA ARE NORMAL
People who have dementia are not special. We are normal individuals whose brain is degenerating at a greater pace and in some cases earlier, than most other people. I make the point about normality, as I think too greater emphasis is often placed on the differences between people with the disease and those without it. It is far easier and for some, a great defence mechanism, to emphasise the differences, rather than acknowledge similarities with someone or something one doesn't fully understand or feel comfortable with.
It would be helpful, for all concerned, if greater emphasis was placed on the similarities between patients, carers and health professionals, rather than the differences. This is not to deny that the dementia sufferer presents for others a number of specific issues / difficulties. Similarly, dementing individuals also have to cope, in a different way, with aspects that these issues present for them. In many respects therefore, this is the same for everyone else. In society, everyone has to adapt and make allowance for others in their personal and professional lives. To progress, in situations, the most successful outcome is achieved when differences, although acknowledged, are not the focus, the emphasis being on the areas of shared interest and mutual benefit.
Not withstanding the above, my observations, are, possibly, prompted by the slight frustration of having to accept the difficulty, that one's response to certain situations, is not what one would "normally" have had a few years ago. In spite of this, the good aspects of each day usually far outweigh the less desirable.
JSAFGA
It would be helpful, for all concerned, if greater emphasis was placed on the similarities between patients, carers and health professionals, rather than the differences. This is not to deny that the dementia sufferer presents for others a number of specific issues / difficulties. Similarly, dementing individuals also have to cope, in a different way, with aspects that these issues present for them. In many respects therefore, this is the same for everyone else. In society, everyone has to adapt and make allowance for others in their personal and professional lives. To progress, in situations, the most successful outcome is achieved when differences, although acknowledged, are not the focus, the emphasis being on the areas of shared interest and mutual benefit.
Not withstanding the above, my observations, are, possibly, prompted by the slight frustration of having to accept the difficulty, that one's response to certain situations, is not what one would "normally" have had a few years ago. In spite of this, the good aspects of each day usually far outweigh the less desirable.
JSAFGA
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