While never wishing to offend, I increasingly find, nowadays, that in order to maintain courage in my ability to retain mental independence, discretion has to occasionally be sacrificed. Risks are now more frequently taken in relation to verbal communication with others. This, I think, is possibly due to the combination of both trying to continue to demonstrate that one still has the ability to maintain independent logical thought processes and also meeting the need to demonstrate to others that one still has a degree of ability, wit, knowledge and wisdom, to hold ones own, if sometimes only briefly, in discussion. To satisfy the need to prove to oneself and others, that one is not yet "yesterday's man", is vital. To make one's point, or explain oneself, or to fully comprehend what another is saying, it is sometimes necessary to insist on frequently recapping what has been said. This may prove to be annoying / frustrating, even confusing, for the other party, particularly if they do not know you. However, the risk of upsetting them or even causing embarrasment, I consider is one worth taking.
JSAFGA
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Monday, 2 April 2012
SENIOR MOMENTS
Yesterday was one of more "senior moments" than usual. Being Palm Sunday the early morning walk with Blossom (my dog) over the meadows commenced at 9am with a view to being back home by 10.30am to walk up the road to the village church for the 11am Palm Sunday service. However, where or how I know not, but the time flew by, somehow unnoticed. Relaxing and thoughts scudding by like the clouds as we went from field to field. Hare and pheasant being sprung by Bloss and I enjoying the sporting chases. No blood shed and everyone creature excercised and stimulated by the occassion. It wasnt till arriving back home at 11.30am that I realised some time had passed unaccounted for. Still it was a most enjoyable walk and I was able eventually to catch up with the palm and donkey procession around the village in time for the final reading and hymn, followed by the soup and cheese in the village hall.
These moments in time come and go, some we remember some we dont - be not concerned - all is well.
JSAFGA
These moments in time come and go, some we remember some we dont - be not concerned - all is well.
JSAFGA
Sunday, 18 March 2012
RIDING THE WAVES
It might be considered by some, that way to deal with the daily issues associated with dementia, would be to strive to fight for the lost moments of memory or thought. This maybe a satisfactory approach for some. However, my experience to date, I say to date because it is the only day with which we have to deal. is While making sure that each day has some moments of significant action, be that physical and / or mental stimulation, I do not find it helpful or consider it wise, to start struggling with temporary lapses of memory or mood.
In the periods, like those referred to above, I find it best to ride the wave, of whatever the circumstance might be. Like all waves, they usually start small with a gradually increasing swell, then before long, break and dissipate. They can either be allowed to swamp the craft, or alternatively, if it is steered in a skillful manner, the wave will carry boat forward safely.
One is the skipper of ones own craft and the journey can be a good, provided one uses the rough water to carry you forward rather drown you.
JSAFGA
In the periods, like those referred to above, I find it best to ride the wave, of whatever the circumstance might be. Like all waves, they usually start small with a gradually increasing swell, then before long, break and dissipate. They can either be allowed to swamp the craft, or alternatively, if it is steered in a skillful manner, the wave will carry boat forward safely.
One is the skipper of ones own craft and the journey can be a good, provided one uses the rough water to carry you forward rather drown you.
JSAFGA
Friday, 16 March 2012
SPRING BRINGS NEW OPPORTUNITIES
The arrival of Spring brings new opportunities for a fresh approach to life, as well as to living. For those of us who are lucky to be fit enough to be able to enjoy the first few weeks of the new season, we can enjoy the removal of the dead Winter growth revealing new plant life. The daffodils formed flowers getting ready to open, as are the buds on many bushes and trees. All that is required now is a small amount of warm sunshine. The new growth bursting forth, may also raise our spirits. We can look forward to the commencement of the eagerly awaited colourful show. We can shake off the gloom of Winter and make another new start. A change in activities can also help give one a new outlook on life in general. A change in outlook, whatever one's state, may help one better cope with one's situation and enhance one's ability to maximise their potential to enjoy the many differing opportunities life has to offer.
JSAFGA
JSAFGA
Monday, 5 March 2012
RAISING OTHER'S SPIRITS CAN HELP MAINTAIN YOUR OWN
Some days are better than others, sometimes our spirit's are uplifted for a variety a of reasons. Sometimes only a relatively small occurrence can set us back. To occasionally focus on our own particular situation can be healthy, as part of a reality check. However, I find it helpful not to linger too long, on the variety of relatively minor enforced amendments to life, as a result of one's condition. As with everyone too much introspection can distract from the opportunities one still has to brighten one's own and other's days and to help lighten their burden. Our carer is the one most deserving of this support.
To be seen to be having a positive approach to life, can be uplifting to others, as well as oneself and can be a positive boost to the one shouldering the main responsibility for our care. With the resulting positivity, high spirits and the associated tendency, nowadays, for the mouth to engage before the brain, my approach is to go with the flow. Although sometimes this may result in slight alienation or cause raised eyebrows among a few, on balance, the benefits to both oneself and one's loved one, outweighs any resulting negativity from others.
To try and stay positive, is the least one can do for both ourselves and those who care for us. When the occasion arises that the negative aspects come into focus, we are better equipped to minimise their impact. We can then continue journeying on our "good life with dementia".
JSAFGA
To be seen to be having a positive approach to life, can be uplifting to others, as well as oneself and can be a positive boost to the one shouldering the main responsibility for our care. With the resulting positivity, high spirits and the associated tendency, nowadays, for the mouth to engage before the brain, my approach is to go with the flow. Although sometimes this may result in slight alienation or cause raised eyebrows among a few, on balance, the benefits to both oneself and one's loved one, outweighs any resulting negativity from others.
To try and stay positive, is the least one can do for both ourselves and those who care for us. When the occasion arises that the negative aspects come into focus, we are better equipped to minimise their impact. We can then continue journeying on our "good life with dementia".
JSAFGA
Monday, 20 February 2012
VALLEYS AND HILLSIDES
This morning when walking with the dog, viewing the surrounding hills and valleys, the thoughts that enjoined me were that, from on high and looking down over it all, it resembled many a person's life path. The compartmentalised fields divided by the limestone walls, the deep valleys, the deserted and dilapidated stone barns which once gave shelter and warmth to both cattle, sheep and farmer, many now near collapsed, due to years of neglect and the ravages of the weather. These places hold countless memories for and of, many people over centuries. Those people were real, as were the livestock they looked after. Not only the people who worked the land, but also the many thousands of walkers and visitors who have visited the area.
The patch quilted scenery, like life, contains many seasonal changing aspects and yet also the steadfastness of the main physical features. The river, whose waters disappear into the underground limestone caverns during the summer and then reappear during the autumn rains and winter's snow. To be able contemplate these things is a wondrous aspect of this life journey. To be able to peacefully reflect on such things brings a great joy. This far exceeds the benefits of being able to remember every happening of the day or everything that has to be done. The frustrations and annoyance, due to lack of understanding, confusions and memory loss, verbal fluency etc, fade into insignificance as silent witness of the depth and beauty of lives past and present and creation are contemplated, helps to make journeying this way a "Good Life With Dementia"!
JSAFGA.
The patch quilted scenery, like life, contains many seasonal changing aspects and yet also the steadfastness of the main physical features. The river, whose waters disappear into the underground limestone caverns during the summer and then reappear during the autumn rains and winter's snow. To be able contemplate these things is a wondrous aspect of this life journey. To be able to peacefully reflect on such things brings a great joy. This far exceeds the benefits of being able to remember every happening of the day or everything that has to be done. The frustrations and annoyance, due to lack of understanding, confusions and memory loss, verbal fluency etc, fade into insignificance as silent witness of the depth and beauty of lives past and present and creation are contemplated, helps to make journeying this way a "Good Life With Dementia"!
JSAFGA.
Friday, 17 February 2012
MISSING LINKS
I feel disposed to write about "Missing Links" as this can be an occupational hazard / challenge on the road of the "Good Life". Missing links can be frustrating for everyone in all walks of life and at all stages of life. They often eventually reveal themselves sooner or later. Even when they don't, their relevance has usually passed, as has their significance.
Now, what are the sort of links that go missing? They can be many and varied, sometimes words, sometimes ideas, sometimes thought processes, sometimes emotions, sometimes relating to memories. The fact that the link goes missing, whether temporarily or long term, can cause a moment or two or even longer, of disruption / consternation. However, it is important to try and adapt as quickly as possible to the new situation, without the unrecalled, yet real, link that is missing.
Sometimes, although a thought process is interrupted, due to a missing link, it is possible that this may be advantageous, provided that the frustration associated with it can be quickly overcome. The potential advantage, is that the brain has to devise another strategy for dealing with this new found situation. It helps, if one can get oneself into a long-term positive mindset. This then ensures that every set back, while being acknowledged as such, is still seen as an opportunity, to draw on the hidden resources that the brain and ones personality can muster. This positive attitude, if able to be adopted, will help to overcome the disadvantage of no longer having the "Missing Links".
JSAFGA
Now, what are the sort of links that go missing? They can be many and varied, sometimes words, sometimes ideas, sometimes thought processes, sometimes emotions, sometimes relating to memories. The fact that the link goes missing, whether temporarily or long term, can cause a moment or two or even longer, of disruption / consternation. However, it is important to try and adapt as quickly as possible to the new situation, without the unrecalled, yet real, link that is missing.
Sometimes, although a thought process is interrupted, due to a missing link, it is possible that this may be advantageous, provided that the frustration associated with it can be quickly overcome. The potential advantage, is that the brain has to devise another strategy for dealing with this new found situation. It helps, if one can get oneself into a long-term positive mindset. This then ensures that every set back, while being acknowledged as such, is still seen as an opportunity, to draw on the hidden resources that the brain and ones personality can muster. This positive attitude, if able to be adopted, will help to overcome the disadvantage of no longer having the "Missing Links".
JSAFGA
NB. MISSING BLOGS
I realise that I have posted 5 of 2012 blogs on another blog page of mine that has the same name, i.e. "A Good Life With Dementia". I had unwittingly created that site when setting up the original one. I will endeavour to ensure that all future blogs are published on the one site, namely this one!
Sorry about the slip up!
JSAFGA
Sorry about the slip up!
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
YOU ARE STILL WHO YOU WERE
It is easy to become disillusioned by the fact that, due to the dementing process, one is aware that one is not as one was, and also therefore that this will no doubt be apparent to others.This may specifically apply to those who have known you for a number of years. The differences may not be too significant or discernible to others. To some, the changes they may seemed marked. Your nearest and dearest will be the ones who have experienced and will be most aware of the gradual changes that are and have taken place over the years and months. Those who did not know the old you, will therefore be non the wiser and it is easier for them to accept you as you are, as they have no reference point from the past with which to compare.
The relevance of the above, is that, I believe, we dementees should remain cognisant of the following:-
Although subtle and sometimes not so subtle changes are taking place, both in relation to how we are and how we are perceived by others, never the less, it is a fact that "You Are Still Who You Were". I mention this, as it occurs to me that, although on occasions, recent events may be difficult to recall and behavioural issues may not be perceived to be like "the old you". The fact is that, the You are still You, the combination of, the You of the past and the You of today. These will combine to be an integral part of the You of tomorrow. To retain this view, I find helpful, as an aid to maintaining an essential degree of self esteem, that dementia has the potential to undermine.
JSAFGA
The relevance of the above, is that, I believe, we dementees should remain cognisant of the following:-
Although subtle and sometimes not so subtle changes are taking place, both in relation to how we are and how we are perceived by others, never the less, it is a fact that "You Are Still Who You Were". I mention this, as it occurs to me that, although on occasions, recent events may be difficult to recall and behavioural issues may not be perceived to be like "the old you". The fact is that, the You are still You, the combination of, the You of the past and the You of today. These will combine to be an integral part of the You of tomorrow. To retain this view, I find helpful, as an aid to maintaining an essential degree of self esteem, that dementia has the potential to undermine.
JSAFGA
Friday, 3 February 2012
UNCERTAIN TIMES
Uncertain times at the moment - Not sure what to think or do. Motivation waning slightly. Might be the time of the year. Slight loss of motivation and enthusiasm. Hopefully this will pass. Still thinking positively although the future does not seem as bright as previously. Slightly demotivated - not inclined to play the guitar for past few months. Still thinking positives thoughts and general health is still good. Still making sure the daily walks happen and enjoying the blue skys and the frost. The outdoors and hillside a great blessing. Intend to keep looking on the bright side - have got so much to be grateful and thankful for. Got to be able to take the rough with the smooth us problem solvers. The snow drops look beautiful in the lane. The dementia journey is a challenging one yet life is still Good.
JSAFGA
JSAFGA
Friday, 30 December 2011
EXPRESSING YOUR THOUGHTS and SEEKING CLARIFICATION
The release and freedom that expressing one's thoughts can have, I find, is extremely beneficial. Don't worry if some of the recipients think your a bit "off the wall". At the end of the day, it is better to do so, rather than bottling up the thoughts / emotions/ confusion, as this can quickly lead only to frustration and resentment. This applies to both non dementees, as well as members of the dementia club. No doubt the non dementiates will find a more diplomatic manner in which to do this, than I do. However, the end result will I am sure be just as beneficial. I find it interesting that, nowadays, if someone is equally obnoxious to me as, apparently, I may have been to them, it does not create a major issue as far as I am concerned. I appreciate and value, what I view, as their honesty. Tact and diplomacy are further down my pecking order of importance, these days, than openness and honesty of thought and view.
I suppose this notable change in approach, may once again, be a tactic to minimise the risk of confusion. While previously, the complexity and diversity of others psychological influences on their approach to verbal communication, I always found stimulating and interesting. However, this is no longer the case. I now have a tendency to insist that people say what they mean and therefore mean what they say. The literal meaning of what is said is of far more significance and importance to me in verbal communication, than previously. The mental stimulation formally gained from unravelling the "music behind the words", no longer stimulates, it now only tends to frustrate.
I became acutely aware of the above, once again, in a social setting, while having dinner with friends in their home yesterday evening. I found that on a number of occasions, a throw away remark by one of the other guests would prompt my request for clarification of exactly what it was they meant. After a number of such instances, the fellow guest started to indicate their frustration at my requesting that they clarify what it was precisely they were saying and the point they were making. The person concerned is someone who knows me quite well and of the issues I have in relation to verbal communication and understanding. However, in this setting, they obviously found it more difficult to cope with these requests for clarification. On the one hand, I understand their frustration, on the other, unless clarification is sort when required, the misunderstandings that arise may have far worse consequences.
It is occasions like that mentioned above, that can tend lead one to seek further isolation in one's own company, as a more satisfactory option, rather than maintaining the already reducing social circle. However, the risks and consequences of cutting oneself off further, socially, not only for the dementee but, as importantly, for my my wife and carer, are equally unsatisfactory.
It may be that this is a phenomena is shared by other fellow dimentees? If so, then to any carers, be they health professionals, or relatives, I suggest that, if you find the dementee you are looking after, has, or starts with the above tendencies, then it may be for the same reasons that I have identified in my own case.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve and my wife and I are going to see in the New Year with four other trusted and understanding friends, who are happy with "straight talking", so it should be a trouble free start to 2012!
A happy and healthy 2012 is wished for any readers of this blog - thank you for sharing in my "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
I suppose this notable change in approach, may once again, be a tactic to minimise the risk of confusion. While previously, the complexity and diversity of others psychological influences on their approach to verbal communication, I always found stimulating and interesting. However, this is no longer the case. I now have a tendency to insist that people say what they mean and therefore mean what they say. The literal meaning of what is said is of far more significance and importance to me in verbal communication, than previously. The mental stimulation formally gained from unravelling the "music behind the words", no longer stimulates, it now only tends to frustrate.
I became acutely aware of the above, once again, in a social setting, while having dinner with friends in their home yesterday evening. I found that on a number of occasions, a throw away remark by one of the other guests would prompt my request for clarification of exactly what it was they meant. After a number of such instances, the fellow guest started to indicate their frustration at my requesting that they clarify what it was precisely they were saying and the point they were making. The person concerned is someone who knows me quite well and of the issues I have in relation to verbal communication and understanding. However, in this setting, they obviously found it more difficult to cope with these requests for clarification. On the one hand, I understand their frustration, on the other, unless clarification is sort when required, the misunderstandings that arise may have far worse consequences.
It is occasions like that mentioned above, that can tend lead one to seek further isolation in one's own company, as a more satisfactory option, rather than maintaining the already reducing social circle. However, the risks and consequences of cutting oneself off further, socially, not only for the dementee but, as importantly, for my my wife and carer, are equally unsatisfactory.
It may be that this is a phenomena is shared by other fellow dimentees? If so, then to any carers, be they health professionals, or relatives, I suggest that, if you find the dementee you are looking after, has, or starts with the above tendencies, then it may be for the same reasons that I have identified in my own case.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve and my wife and I are going to see in the New Year with four other trusted and understanding friends, who are happy with "straight talking", so it should be a trouble free start to 2012!
A happy and healthy 2012 is wished for any readers of this blog - thank you for sharing in my "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
THOUGHTS AS THE NEW YEAR APPROACHES
Another New Year approaches this coming weekend. What does it have in store for all of us. Personally, I do not look forward to it in trepidation or with a sense of either elation or expectation. I find, even more so these days, to be able, in my head, to be prepared to experience the unexpected. I have no use for planning too far ahead or creating unnecessary expectations of oneself or of others. A life of unrealistic expectations will only disappoint and frustrate. One must not have unrealistic expectations of oneself, nor for that matter, of others understanding of you. One cannot have a full understanding of how, when or where the dementing journey will lead, or the pace at which significent milestones will be reached. This need not be disconcerting, if one is able and prepared to "go with the flow". To follow this approach may help avoid or at least reduce the personal impact on reaching different stages of the condition's progress.
Having said the above, while at one level I believe the above laid back approach applies to myself, there are in fact major contradictions in reality. If I am so philosphical and calm about future events etc, then why does the slightest alteration to arrangements on a day to day basis seem to agitate me so. Interestingly, I find these relatively minor adaptations difficult to handle. I find, increasingly, I rely on the certainty, reliability and concreteness of arrangements and what people say. A black and white, certain, approach to matters, I find far more reassuring and easier to cope with, than more flexible arrangements. I have an increasing need and expectancy of individuals to say what they mean and therefore to mean what they say. Elements of social niceties, I find, increasingly, difficult to maintain. These relate mainly to responding to what other individuals may have said. For example, if I suspect someone has said something for effect, rather than what they truly mean / believe, then I find it difficult not to say so.
My immediate family, including my young adult grandchildren, have adapted magnificenly to the slight and in some cases the apparently discernable personality changes that have taken place in the past few years. This a source of great comfort, knowing that I can continue to be totally relaxed and be myself in their company. This has been particularly important during the recent festive period.
HAPPY 2012
JSAFGA
Having said the above, while at one level I believe the above laid back approach applies to myself, there are in fact major contradictions in reality. If I am so philosphical and calm about future events etc, then why does the slightest alteration to arrangements on a day to day basis seem to agitate me so. Interestingly, I find these relatively minor adaptations difficult to handle. I find, increasingly, I rely on the certainty, reliability and concreteness of arrangements and what people say. A black and white, certain, approach to matters, I find far more reassuring and easier to cope with, than more flexible arrangements. I have an increasing need and expectancy of individuals to say what they mean and therefore to mean what they say. Elements of social niceties, I find, increasingly, difficult to maintain. These relate mainly to responding to what other individuals may have said. For example, if I suspect someone has said something for effect, rather than what they truly mean / believe, then I find it difficult not to say so.
My immediate family, including my young adult grandchildren, have adapted magnificenly to the slight and in some cases the apparently discernable personality changes that have taken place in the past few years. This a source of great comfort, knowing that I can continue to be totally relaxed and be myself in their company. This has been particularly important during the recent festive period.
HAPPY 2012
JSAFGA
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
MEMORIES
Christmastide, invariably has the effect of summoning up memories, both good and not so good, for most people. It affords a time, amidst the hustle and bustle, if only briefly, to remember times and people from both our present and past life. For some, this can be as traumatic as it can be enjoyable for others, dependent on their individual life's journey so far.
I am increasingly finding that, even though my short-term memory retention is gradually diminishing, the long-term memory of events, places and people from times long past, is increasingly active. Now the other interesting and beneficial aspect is that the clarity of things pleasant from the past is the main focus and the few unpleasant experiences have gradually dissipated, to the same degree that ability to recall the positive and enjoyable times and relationships has increased. Whether this is purely as a result of my particular positive psychological make up and attitude to life, I do not know. Maybe it is something that the majority of Dementees experience - interesting research project for some clinician maybe?!!
The above, is a positive aspect of the disease as far as I am concerned. If clarity of memory thought is, generally, only available to the positive aspects of one's past life, then this will help one, as far as possible, to maintain "A Good Life With Dementia".
In case I am not moved to write another blog before Christmas, I would like to wish any readers, wherever you live, a Happy Christmas and New Year. To the followers in Russia, a Happy New Year and celebration of Christmas in January.
To all Carers and fellow Dementors, Peace and Love.
JSAFGA
I am increasingly finding that, even though my short-term memory retention is gradually diminishing, the long-term memory of events, places and people from times long past, is increasingly active. Now the other interesting and beneficial aspect is that the clarity of things pleasant from the past is the main focus and the few unpleasant experiences have gradually dissipated, to the same degree that ability to recall the positive and enjoyable times and relationships has increased. Whether this is purely as a result of my particular positive psychological make up and attitude to life, I do not know. Maybe it is something that the majority of Dementees experience - interesting research project for some clinician maybe?!!
The above, is a positive aspect of the disease as far as I am concerned. If clarity of memory thought is, generally, only available to the positive aspects of one's past life, then this will help one, as far as possible, to maintain "A Good Life With Dementia".
In case I am not moved to write another blog before Christmas, I would like to wish any readers, wherever you live, a Happy Christmas and New Year. To the followers in Russia, a Happy New Year and celebration of Christmas in January.
To all Carers and fellow Dementors, Peace and Love.
JSAFGA
Friday, 16 December 2011
REPORT ON DEMENTIA CARE IN ACUTE HOSPITAL WARDS
Today, a report from the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK, expressed concern regarding the provision of care Dementia patients receive, in acute medical and surgical wards, when admitted for treatment of other clinical conditions. It states that, staff in these clinical areas do not currently provide an acceptable level of appropriate care for Dementia patients. A number of stated reasons for this include the lack of appropriate training.
To improve the above apparently deteriorating situation, I would suggest that all staff involved in clinical care, as part of their formal clinical training, should be required to demonstrate their personal ability in the following areas, before being granted their formal post-graduate clinical / medical professional qualification:-
a. A CARING NATURE
b. EMPATHETIC ABILITY
c. UNDERSTANDING OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RESPECT AND PERSONAL DIGNITY
c. HIGH LEVELS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
d. A SENSE OF HUMOUR
The above list is not comprehensive. However, I believe that anyone who is going to be considered fit to provide clinical care for any person, whether being treated in the community or in hospital, should, as a minimum requirement, be required to demonstrate a high degree of personal skills and ability in the above areas, in addition to their clinical /medical knowledge. If adopted, this requirement, would not require any significant increase in financial cost to the education of potential health practitioners. However, the potential outcome in respect of improvement in the quality of patient care could be significant.
JSAFGA
To improve the above apparently deteriorating situation, I would suggest that all staff involved in clinical care, as part of their formal clinical training, should be required to demonstrate their personal ability in the following areas, before being granted their formal post-graduate clinical / medical professional qualification:-
a. A CARING NATURE
b. EMPATHETIC ABILITY
c. UNDERSTANDING OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RESPECT AND PERSONAL DIGNITY
c. HIGH LEVELS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
d. A SENSE OF HUMOUR
The above list is not comprehensive. However, I believe that anyone who is going to be considered fit to provide clinical care for any person, whether being treated in the community or in hospital, should, as a minimum requirement, be required to demonstrate a high degree of personal skills and ability in the above areas, in addition to their clinical /medical knowledge. If adopted, this requirement, would not require any significant increase in financial cost to the education of potential health practitioners. However, the potential outcome in respect of improvement in the quality of patient care could be significant.
JSAFGA
Sunday, 11 December 2011
KEEP IT SIMPLE
With Christmas fast approaching and the complexity of emotional strains, the happiness and sadness that we allow it to bring, my increasing view is Keep it Simple. In these times of financial austerity, this may be a blessing for many that they have no option but to keep it simple in respect of being able / unable to purchase gifts. There may, ultimately, be a long term advantageous spin off to this enforced necessity for many, to rein in the personal expenditure this year. Often the most simple gifts are the most cherished. The small uncomplicated gift from a child, often has the greater impact and meaning than some luxurious gift from a wealthy friend or family member.
Now, you may ask where is this blog going. Is it his personal soap box version of a church sermon? Well no, it is not meant to be that, even though it is being written on a Sunday evening! I am minded of the simplicity angle as I am, increasingly, finding that as the months pass I the complexity of issues and situations best avoided, in order to maintain clarity of thought and understanding. The adoption of a simple approach and the association with simplicity is not born from any high moralistic ideal, akin to a monastic existence. Rather it is driven by the wish to be able to function normally as possible, to try to avoid detection, by the newly met or the stranger, of being a card carrying member of the dementia club! Not that I am ashamed of membership, but rather, that I wish to keep as many aspects of life, relationships and thought processes, as simple as possible.
JSAFGA
Now, you may ask where is this blog going. Is it his personal soap box version of a church sermon? Well no, it is not meant to be that, even though it is being written on a Sunday evening! I am minded of the simplicity angle as I am, increasingly, finding that as the months pass I the complexity of issues and situations best avoided, in order to maintain clarity of thought and understanding. The adoption of a simple approach and the association with simplicity is not born from any high moralistic ideal, akin to a monastic existence. Rather it is driven by the wish to be able to function normally as possible, to try to avoid detection, by the newly met or the stranger, of being a card carrying member of the dementia club! Not that I am ashamed of membership, but rather, that I wish to keep as many aspects of life, relationships and thought processes, as simple as possible.
JSAFGA
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
EMOTIONAL DIMENSIONS
Today, I am minded that our friend dementia, is the bearer of the gift of exaggerated emotion.
As we are now well and truly in the run up to Christmas and more than halfway through Advent, the season of emotional highs and lows advances at a rapid rate. The coming together of family and friends at different stages of the Christmas season, is one to be viewed with a mixture of emotional value including Bon Ami and greetings of exagerated depth. Of course this is balanced by genuine expressions of love, warmth and hospitality between givers and receivers. So, I ask myself what is my problem with it all? I say my problem, as I acknowledge that like so many issues that annoy or result in an adverse reaction from me these days, my reaction to others, cannot in general be blamed on them, but rather, how I now respond to them.
In a similar manner to the exaggerated emotional festive responses referred to above, I find the ability to assimilate and accept the in genuine aspects, far more difficult to tolerate, than previously. I succumb more readily now to taking the less understanding and benevolent approach to such individuals and situations.
Why is this, one may reasonably ask? I think it is associated with my now perceived necessity and therefore efforts, to minimise confusion, by increasingly needing to focus on what I consider to be reality. A more black and white approach to relationships, I now find more easy to deal with. This of course conflicts with the complexity of normal human personality and relationships. These of course require great flexibility and understanding of persons and situations, in order to maintain stability and the avoidance of misunderstandings.
However, this of itself is conflictual from my perspective, if confusion is to be reduced.
I am, today, further minded that dementia appears to lead to exaggeration of certain pre-existing psychological /emotional facets. Just as Christmas often leads to heightened emotional states, I am conscious that a number of my own personality traits are also being increased with intensity as time progresses. It is possible therefore, that dementia has a particular facet that not only diminishes things like memory, but also extends /exaggerates some pre-existing traits. For example, a person like myself with a generally outgoing personalty, on occasions, finds that, in certain situations, the gregarious nature pervades even more than it did of old. The extension of these boundaries, beyond their previous limits, can be problematical not only for myself, but more importantly for others in whose company I am present. So far, no lasting damage has been done, as far as I am aware! However, this is obviously an extra burden for my wife, my carer, to have to cope with, less about the recipient.
Another example of the above, where the exaggerated personality trait being increasingly heightened, in a similar manner, is that of straight talking, "calling a spade a spade and not a dustpan"! This increase has led to a diminuation of my diplomacy and tact. Now, what needs to be understood by the reader, is that this is not an intentional act and it is often only when someone expresses their concern or hurt, that one sometimes accepts or understands that one has overstepped an acceptable boundary line. Even though at the time it did not seem to be the case.
NB. In view of the above, is it any wonder that we are eventually admitted to specialised residential care?!! It takes an enormous amount of love, care, persistence, determination and understanding, on the part of our carer, to cope with the increasing complexity of the challenges we present.
My final thought for this blog is that, as Christmas approaches, we dementiates should look forward to enjoying as many aspects of the season as possible, firmly in the knowledge, that in spite of our varying degrees of eccentricity, there is an enormous amount of Love, Good Will and Understanding around us.
JSAFGA
As we are now well and truly in the run up to Christmas and more than halfway through Advent, the season of emotional highs and lows advances at a rapid rate. The coming together of family and friends at different stages of the Christmas season, is one to be viewed with a mixture of emotional value including Bon Ami and greetings of exagerated depth. Of course this is balanced by genuine expressions of love, warmth and hospitality between givers and receivers. So, I ask myself what is my problem with it all? I say my problem, as I acknowledge that like so many issues that annoy or result in an adverse reaction from me these days, my reaction to others, cannot in general be blamed on them, but rather, how I now respond to them.
In a similar manner to the exaggerated emotional festive responses referred to above, I find the ability to assimilate and accept the in genuine aspects, far more difficult to tolerate, than previously. I succumb more readily now to taking the less understanding and benevolent approach to such individuals and situations.
Why is this, one may reasonably ask? I think it is associated with my now perceived necessity and therefore efforts, to minimise confusion, by increasingly needing to focus on what I consider to be reality. A more black and white approach to relationships, I now find more easy to deal with. This of course conflicts with the complexity of normal human personality and relationships. These of course require great flexibility and understanding of persons and situations, in order to maintain stability and the avoidance of misunderstandings.
However, this of itself is conflictual from my perspective, if confusion is to be reduced.
I am, today, further minded that dementia appears to lead to exaggeration of certain pre-existing psychological /emotional facets. Just as Christmas often leads to heightened emotional states, I am conscious that a number of my own personality traits are also being increased with intensity as time progresses. It is possible therefore, that dementia has a particular facet that not only diminishes things like memory, but also extends /exaggerates some pre-existing traits. For example, a person like myself with a generally outgoing personalty, on occasions, finds that, in certain situations, the gregarious nature pervades even more than it did of old. The extension of these boundaries, beyond their previous limits, can be problematical not only for myself, but more importantly for others in whose company I am present. So far, no lasting damage has been done, as far as I am aware! However, this is obviously an extra burden for my wife, my carer, to have to cope with, less about the recipient.
Another example of the above, where the exaggerated personality trait being increasingly heightened, in a similar manner, is that of straight talking, "calling a spade a spade and not a dustpan"! This increase has led to a diminuation of my diplomacy and tact. Now, what needs to be understood by the reader, is that this is not an intentional act and it is often only when someone expresses their concern or hurt, that one sometimes accepts or understands that one has overstepped an acceptable boundary line. Even though at the time it did not seem to be the case.
NB. In view of the above, is it any wonder that we are eventually admitted to specialised residential care?!! It takes an enormous amount of love, care, persistence, determination and understanding, on the part of our carer, to cope with the increasing complexity of the challenges we present.
My final thought for this blog is that, as Christmas approaches, we dementiates should look forward to enjoying as many aspects of the season as possible, firmly in the knowledge, that in spite of our varying degrees of eccentricity, there is an enormous amount of Love, Good Will and Understanding around us.
JSAFGA
Monday, 28 November 2011
A HELPFUL TECHNIQUE
I share with you a technique that I find helpful, particularly when having difficulty remembering someones name during a conversation. Not necessarily the name of the person to whom I am speaking, but usually the name of someone else to whom I wish to refer. This technique is probably more easily adopted in a small village community of about 100 people, like that where I live, rather than in a town. However, even there, it may have it's uses for communicating about a person who lives in the same road or vicinity.
What I do, in instances when I cannot recall the name of someone about whom I want to refer during a conversation, is I may refer to their trade. For example I will sometimes refer to the farmer who lives in the farmhouse at the top of the lane on the bend. The person to whom I am speaking will invariably know who I mean and will refer to them by their name. This allows the conversation to continue, fairly, unimpeded. Once the individual with whom I am conversing has understood that sometimes they will be required to provide reminder links of this nature, all is well for both parties. It comes as a bit of a shock for them on the first couple of occasions, but from then on, they are usually happy to oblige in this manner. The initial shock for the other party is when they know that you know the other individual well, to whom you are referring and whose name you cannot remember. They therefore wonder why you are communicating in this form of
descriptive manner. On the second occasion, I usually come clean and state that I sometimes have memory recall difficulties. This I find the simplest and most straightforward approach and the least stressful for all concerned. It is like anything else, once one knows the extent of a problem then one can easier deal with it.
JSAFGA
What I do, in instances when I cannot recall the name of someone about whom I want to refer during a conversation, is I may refer to their trade. For example I will sometimes refer to the farmer who lives in the farmhouse at the top of the lane on the bend. The person to whom I am speaking will invariably know who I mean and will refer to them by their name. This allows the conversation to continue, fairly, unimpeded. Once the individual with whom I am conversing has understood that sometimes they will be required to provide reminder links of this nature, all is well for both parties. It comes as a bit of a shock for them on the first couple of occasions, but from then on, they are usually happy to oblige in this manner. The initial shock for the other party is when they know that you know the other individual well, to whom you are referring and whose name you cannot remember. They therefore wonder why you are communicating in this form of
descriptive manner. On the second occasion, I usually come clean and state that I sometimes have memory recall difficulties. This I find the simplest and most straightforward approach and the least stressful for all concerned. It is like anything else, once one knows the extent of a problem then one can easier deal with it.
JSAFGA
Thursday, 24 November 2011
TAKE THE RISK - HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD
On a good day and when necessary, I seek to take opportunities to take charge of events either at home or in the company of others, including suggestion of solutions to problematic situations. My wife has increasingly supported me in doing so, in the four years since I was diagnosed.
Now, of course, sometimes the above can be tricky. One has to try to be sure that you have totally understood the situation, before proffering one's guidance. However, for an increased degree of personal respect / credence, I believe it a risk worth taking. In these situations, I hope that I have not misunderstood what has been said or misread the situation. There again, don't non dementing people, frequently, do that? Of course they do!
So I say to my fellow dementing brothers and sisters, have courage, speak out when you think it appropriate, offer advice and a view, when you think it is warranted. You may get a worried look or bemused response from aquaintances who think they know you, but really don't. However, let them have their own moment of confusion to deal with, we have enough of our own! In that golden moment of clear thinking, be brave, seize the opportunity, make the statement, offer the advice, demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of the situation, whatever it might be. Take the opportunity to build up / repair any damaged self worth, or lost confidence. Let others see the positive aspect of your hidden depths, dispel for some the myth that, having dementia means that you do not, anymore, have the potential to provide a degree of leadership, insight and
understanding.
Take the risk!
Now, of course, sometimes the above can be tricky. One has to try to be sure that you have totally understood the situation, before proffering one's guidance. However, for an increased degree of personal respect / credence, I believe it a risk worth taking. In these situations, I hope that I have not misunderstood what has been said or misread the situation. There again, don't non dementing people, frequently, do that? Of course they do!
So I say to my fellow dementing brothers and sisters, have courage, speak out when you think it appropriate, offer advice and a view, when you think it is warranted. You may get a worried look or bemused response from aquaintances who think they know you, but really don't. However, let them have their own moment of confusion to deal with, we have enough of our own! In that golden moment of clear thinking, be brave, seize the opportunity, make the statement, offer the advice, demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of the situation, whatever it might be. Take the opportunity to build up / repair any damaged self worth, or lost confidence. Let others see the positive aspect of your hidden depths, dispel for some the myth that, having dementia means that you do not, anymore, have the potential to provide a degree of leadership, insight and
understanding.
Take the risk!
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
A TRICKY WINDY PATH
Here we go again, an expression of thoughts and inner feelings / emotions that are around on a daily basis. Some more pronounced than others, on days in question, dependent upon the circumstances.
It is a tricky, winding path this journey is currently following. Moments of great fun, laughter and joy. Others of bitter frustration and anger when misunderstood, ignored, or intentionally avoided and sidelined. Those one or two who avoid me, I think, mainly do so out of a feared concern regarding their lack of ability to cope with / handle my possible response to them. There is a wealth of misunderstanding, some no doubt on my part, which I suppose is understandable, in relation to the manner of social communication with the likes of myself, at this stage of the dementia journey. Fortunately my wife and carer understands my current need for simplicity and straight talking when dealing with others. Unfortunately not everyone else can.
The above may seem a bit of a self centred approach / rant. It is to a certain extent, yet this perceived need for simple straight forward communication is a NEED, to minimise confusion. Confusion leads to frustration and misuderstanding and the consequence of this sometimes leads to others being offended by my reaction.
I hope that any fellow travellers on this journey, be they carers or fellow dementiates, who may read this blog, get some comfort from knowing that, if they are experiencing these irritations or the consequences of the same, they are not travelling alone!
JSAFGA
It is a tricky, winding path this journey is currently following. Moments of great fun, laughter and joy. Others of bitter frustration and anger when misunderstood, ignored, or intentionally avoided and sidelined. Those one or two who avoid me, I think, mainly do so out of a feared concern regarding their lack of ability to cope with / handle my possible response to them. There is a wealth of misunderstanding, some no doubt on my part, which I suppose is understandable, in relation to the manner of social communication with the likes of myself, at this stage of the dementia journey. Fortunately my wife and carer understands my current need for simplicity and straight talking when dealing with others. Unfortunately not everyone else can.
The above may seem a bit of a self centred approach / rant. It is to a certain extent, yet this perceived need for simple straight forward communication is a NEED, to minimise confusion. Confusion leads to frustration and misuderstanding and the consequence of this sometimes leads to others being offended by my reaction.
I hope that any fellow travellers on this journey, be they carers or fellow dementiates, who may read this blog, get some comfort from knowing that, if they are experiencing these irritations or the consequences of the same, they are not travelling alone!
JSAFGA
Sunday, 20 November 2011
FOG THE LEVELLER
This morning's early morning walk down the valley in thick fog, ironically, proved to be another opportunity for a degree of possible alternative enlightenment and reflection.
Firstly, ahead of me I noticed that Blossom, my Springer Spaniel, had lay down in a submissive manner on the ground. I then noticed in the mists, what appeared to be the outline of a large cow. In the normal way, Blossom would not react in this manner, at the sight of a cow. She is familiar with the local cattle, as are they with her and their presence never upsets the other. However, as I got within 20 yards of the shape, I could make out the outline, not of a cow, but of two men and a couple of dogs, hence, my own dog staying laid down. The people concerned had waited, as they had obviously seen my figure looming out of the fog as I approached and they too were not sure as to whether or not I was an approaching beast. When we all came within distance of positive sighting and identification of each other, noting all was well, we exchanged greetings and carried on our respective travels.
The above event reminded me that, there are occasions when clarity of thought and speech are being joined by others in whose company I am present, while at the same time, I have become conscious that I am struggling with aspects of fogginess of thought and communication. However, this morning's fog provided what I considered was a "level playing field" for all concerned. The other two people present and their dogs, were just as unsure and unclear as myself and Blossom. They were evidently reassured when Blossom came with me up the other side of the valley. I sat for a while in the fog and felt a strange degree of satisfaction, that those two people had briefly experienced an aspect of the practical reality of the lack of internal clarity and the fogginess similar to which I regularly experience, even on sunny days.
One cannot reasonably expect, empathy and understanding of one's confusion, memory loss and episodes of frustrated verbal aggression. One certainly doesn't want sympathy, as that does NOT help at all. However, in the quiet safety of this blog, I am able to give external expression, which I find helpful, to some internal analysis of my onward journey through what is in general a "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
Firstly, ahead of me I noticed that Blossom, my Springer Spaniel, had lay down in a submissive manner on the ground. I then noticed in the mists, what appeared to be the outline of a large cow. In the normal way, Blossom would not react in this manner, at the sight of a cow. She is familiar with the local cattle, as are they with her and their presence never upsets the other. However, as I got within 20 yards of the shape, I could make out the outline, not of a cow, but of two men and a couple of dogs, hence, my own dog staying laid down. The people concerned had waited, as they had obviously seen my figure looming out of the fog as I approached and they too were not sure as to whether or not I was an approaching beast. When we all came within distance of positive sighting and identification of each other, noting all was well, we exchanged greetings and carried on our respective travels.
The above event reminded me that, there are occasions when clarity of thought and speech are being joined by others in whose company I am present, while at the same time, I have become conscious that I am struggling with aspects of fogginess of thought and communication. However, this morning's fog provided what I considered was a "level playing field" for all concerned. The other two people present and their dogs, were just as unsure and unclear as myself and Blossom. They were evidently reassured when Blossom came with me up the other side of the valley. I sat for a while in the fog and felt a strange degree of satisfaction, that those two people had briefly experienced an aspect of the practical reality of the lack of internal clarity and the fogginess similar to which I regularly experience, even on sunny days.
One cannot reasonably expect, empathy and understanding of one's confusion, memory loss and episodes of frustrated verbal aggression. One certainly doesn't want sympathy, as that does NOT help at all. However, in the quiet safety of this blog, I am able to give external expression, which I find helpful, to some internal analysis of my onward journey through what is in general a "Good Life With Dementia".
JSAFGA
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